Intellectuelle   Motherhood

Just have to say a few more things about Dawn, the mother of six I wrote about in this post (whom Sheena introduced us to originally -- thanks, Sheena!). First, and main: She did not contrive, conspire, maneuver, plot, scheme, plan, arrange, or otherwise try to achieve influence, notoriety, etc., on eBay or anywhere else. She simply began using her gifts, and her situation -- i.e., what she already had.

Apparently, the Pokemon card auction wasn't her first landslide writing (or auction) success; a couple years back she sold an old, dirty baseball for $1125 because of the description, which chronicled a morning in her life as a mother. (Another great read!)

As result of that auction, she got emails from people telling her she should write a book. But, considering the logistics, she decided to start a blog instead. Because I Said So "(changing lives, one diaper at a time, since 1994)," is as good as her auction. She's also been collecting stories from her family life with the possibility of a book in mind...and may have her opportunity to publish soon!

Dawn hasn't been to college and has never taken a writing class outside of high school. But she's a natural writer, with a fantastic sense of humor. She portrays motherhood as the crazy, messy, expensive, exhausting, and joyful thing it truly is -- free of shame and apologies. She's not afraid to express the feelings that all mothers have, whether they'll admit it or not. (About shopping for school supplies, she says, "Yes, it's almost that most wonderful time of the year and it can't come soon enough.") It's apparent that she loves her kids and is a great mom (she wouldn't have such a sense of humor about everything if she didn't, and wasn't), but she's also honest about things such as the exhaustion factor and the relief of a break.

I've just found a group blog for homeschooling mothers by this name and, after reading the leading post, feel anything but drained! In "Invisible", Mrs. Guthrie passes along an eloquent post by Charlotte that is a must-read for anyone who feels like "a pair of hands" or "a clock" or "a car to order"...

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?”

Obviously not. No one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

...I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

Charlotte says,

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

Oh, yes.

(see part I and part II)

Additional Observations:

- Chiefly problematic is Glenn's penchant for proof-texting and her frequent violation of the historical-grammatical method of Biblical exegesis. The presentation is zealous but sloppy (see comments above.)

- At 270+ pages, Freedom for Mothers is twice as long and half as lucid as it could be. Newbies are likely to find this plodding tome tedious and overly ambitious. A number of women with whom I spoke dropped out around Unit 5 or 6 with comments like "too long", "don't have time", "way too many pages", etc.

- The Contents portion of this tome (pp. 9-10) lists ten units and Mothering Skills, but lacks page numbers for easy reference. Not exactly "user friendly."

- Utilizing the old "shotgun approach," Glenn sprays superficial "Bible bullets" all over her text rather than focusing on salient points and topics and covering them in-depth. Leaps in logic as wide as the Grand Canyon open at times between one unit, topic or text and the next, leaving the study virtually incoherent in places.

- Much of Wisdom and Freedom is written from the perspective of a white, middle or upper-middle class American (at least in the edition noted). Assumptions are made about jobs, bank accounts, leisure activities, homeowner status, family chemistry, disposable income, etc. that are inaccurate (and possibly offensive). See the Mothering Skills Discussion, Toys and Technology: Tots to Teens in Unit 3, pp. 67 - 70a.

In a post at Complegalitarian, Molly Aley asks how spouses who are not agreed as to the correct model for marriage function in their marriage. Sharing her own situation, she speaks openly of the tremendous damage suffered in trying to live a "sharp fundamental" lifestyle.

I stuffed myself into the box I thought God wanted me in for so long, I started thinking the world was a wooden square. Then God, in His good grace, let the box drop.

Following the post are some wonderful comments on how we all can live together with our differences in a godly way, which is really, when you get right down to it, what the Biblical directives on marriage are about.

We are forced to work together, forced to learn to listen, forced to learn to grow in ways that, when all is said and done, can only make Christ shine brighter.

Commenter Danni adds that, when spouses can sacrifice their "expectations in respect for the value of what God created when He fashioned" the person who is their spouse, it is a beautiful thing.

I can relate to Molly's situation -- not maritally, but in terms of lifestyle, having dropped my own box not too many years ago. A lot of my own situation had to do with "stuffing" who I was - my interests, opinions, desires, and feelings, including anger.

In a glory-moment post on being ticked off, John at Blogotional speaks to the shame that many Christians feel for getting angry. Without digressing, I want to say that such shame was a great poison in my life for many years. I've mentioned my past struggle with bulimia; there were a variety of causes, but this was one of the greatest. Some have asked, "How were you cured?" Well, I had no counseling, no medication, no support group. What enabled me to move on was a simple line in a book called Raising Your Spirited Child that said: it's okay to lose your cool. It's okay to scream. It's okay to reach the end of your rope. Just - do it in another room. Don't take it out on your kids, your spouse, etc.

That, for me, was a glimpse of bright blue sky in the heavy overcast of my life. For the first time, I had permission to not only have very strong feelings, but to express them, without needing to feel as if I was faulty because of it. Without feeling deep shame. What a liberating, healing thing!

In his post, John commends Mark Daniels' "apologetic for anger" and agrees that we are to be angry yet not sin, as expressed in Ephesians 4:26. Mark suggests that anger is justified when, for example, one sees injustice or is treated inconsiderately.

Yet we must be careful, and use Jesus as our model: when He was treated wrongly, He accepted it as what must happen to Him. We are to take up our own crosses in similar fashion, as spelled out in I Peter chapters 2 and 3. This does not mean that we cannot be angry about mistreatment, but merely that we must keep entrusting ourselves to Him who judges righteously, as Christ did (I Peter 2:23). Nor do we ignore the wrong, but address it without "getting even."