For some time Iâve wanted to blog about grief and the grieving process. I need to write about it, for my own sake as well as others, hopefully. From what Iâve observed itâs a topic that goes way under-addressed and under-handled both in the Christian community and our culture in general. But until Iâm ready to write about it, I will post links to others:
Justin Taylor encourages Grieving with Those Who Grieve and provides some great links including Miscarriage: A Death in the Family (pdf)*. I found Dorianiâs piece exquisite. It is honest and grace-ful.
(BTW, Justin's blog, Between Two Worlds, is a must-read.)
Sheena at The Pastorâs Wife (and brand-new member of Intellectuelle!) has also written about grief:
Why then arenât we jubilant and triumphalistic about the death of a loved one? Part of the answer is that death isnât natural, itâs an intrusion. Itâs not the way things were intended to be.
She mentions a view held by some that Christians oughtnât grieve, or have need to grieve. (As if becoming a believer in Jesus Christ somehow removes our humanity!) I suspect there are several reasons for this, including:
1) Many see Christianity as a âquick-fix.â Sure, coming to faith in God through Christ effects one pretty big fix that also happens to be instantaneous. But some of the other âfixesâ take time, perhaps a lifetime, and may never be fixed this side of heaven.
2) Many believe falsely that the Christian should be âhappyâ all the time (as opposed to joyful, in the assured-in-Christ sense â more on this at RebeccaWrites)
3) Who, in their natural state, doesnât want to avoid going through grief if at all possible?
Sheena (and Rebecca) point out that, for the Christian, there is still hope in grief, rather than despair.
*(I just gotta share: We got broadband service and I canât believe how fast a pdf document flies up on the screen â whooomph! Wow! I used to avoid pdf downloads like the plague because they took forever and locked up the computer. But now, life â with pdf -- is beautiful!)
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In a past âlinksâ post I mentioned Dory Zinkandâs excellent series on Controlling Personalities in the Church. More on the subject of manipulation, contrasted with love, can be found at Jim Martinâs A Place for the God-Hungry. Jim speaks of self-examination in One Last Look in the Mirror and says about those who manipulate:
1. "The big elephant in the middle of the room" is often ignored and after a while not even seen.
2. Self-centered, immature people have a way of draining the life and energy from people around them.
3. Some people say they want to be loved but in fact they seem to only want to be with friends who agree with whatever they might be doing.
4. Manipulators do not love others. They use others for their benefit. They use others to draw attention to themselves.
About those who truly love:
1. People who love can be trusted. Even when they are mistaken or do not handle something well in the relationship. It was just that â a mistake.
2. People who love are in some way imitating God.
3. People who love are "safe" people. They do not intend to use, manipulate or hurt in any way.
4. People who love do not need a lot of attention.
(HT: Jesus Creed)
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While we often like to tell ourselves that we are in control of our lives, we are the arbiters of what we think and do, there are many intersecting areas of influence on our lives, which affect every aspect of our decision making process, from the physical to the intellectual. Without mitigating our responsibility for the decisions we make, the positions we take, or the things we believe, all of those important choices are impacted by the gestalt in which we think.
...While many of us pride ourselves in being truthful, going to great lengths to maintain our honesty, there is one area where that breaks down for all of us: ourselves. The first lie is always told to ourselves and it is the most difficult to detect. That said, the area where most of us end up lying to ourselves is when we address the integrity of our thought process, the honesty of our conclusions. God was brutally honest when he directed the prophet Jeremiah to state:
The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9
We should always remember that God and God alone understands the human heart, He alone sees through all of the deception and self-serving arguments we make with ourselves.
â from
The World in Which We Think by William Meisheid at
Beyond the Rim. Great stuff at this blog.