Last Friday's Breakpoint commentary hit close to home, and brought up something crucial that I think has been missing in many discussions of how to reach those who are hurting.
Prison Fellowship Ministries president Mark Earley wrote of Helping Those Who Feel Helpless. It's been said that people need Jesus, not therapy; salvation from sin, not strokes for their self-serving emotional affectations, and this is surely true. But I think many are unaware of the state of utter hopelessness that many hurting people live in.
It is not unusual for people to lash out at others to release pent-up anger and hopelessness. At Prison Fellowship, we have seen this over and over again, with prisoners who resort to violence as a way of dealing with abuse, loneliness, and fear. But there is another way that people respond to these feelings--they take it out on themselves.
In speaking out against the cultural normalization, shrugging off, or glamorizing of self-destructive behavior, Earley urges us to see self-injury for what it is: a coping mechanism.
I know this only too well. There is suicide and depression in my family, and 1/3 of my own life was spent turning unspeakable emotional turmoil inward in the form of bulimia. On the "other side" now, I can look back and see a pervasive sense of hopelessness and helplessness, even long after I "knew" the gospel.
How can this be? I'd say that I didn't really "know" the gospel. The gospel I'd heard and thought I needed to live was mostly a bunch of "shoulds" that I couldn't possibly live up to. Far from needing to hear how sinful and in need of salvation I was (I knew that already, for gosh sakes!), what I needed was what one of To Write Love on Her Arms founder's suicidal friend needed: friends to stick by her, treat her well, show her that she was worthwhile, and remind her that she was truly loved.
The group has rallied the support of bands like Switchfoot with the simple message to love the brokenhearted.
Folks, the person overcome with hopelessness and helplessness doesn't want or need to hear about his or her sin. No, he needs to be convinced that there is goodness in and around him: the goodness of God's creation, the imago dei. He needs to know and be shown that this good is truly good. He needs to be shown that he is redeemable, and that the goodness of God is available to him.
You see, for many, "love" is not touchy-feely lovey-dovey Jesus-is-my-boyfriend/girlfriend sentiment, it's simply hope, and a sense of worth and power to overcome. And this worth is what most of the self-esteem talk is about. It's not that nobody needs good self-esteem, of course they do. We just need to clarify what proper self-esteem is, which is knowing who we are in Christ. The good and the bad.
So to those who only know the bad, let's show them the good.
