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Purity Galas

Today I was interviewed by the University of Chicago Laboratory School's newspaper on the topic of Purity Balls. I would assume by their name that it's clear what these events are, but just in case....

Purity Balls, probably better termed "galas," are an effort on the part of predominately evangelical Christians to promote sexual abstinence in the lives of the young women in their families. Young women attend these galas usually with their fathers, sometimes with a brother, uncle, or another male role model in their lives. The purpose? To pledge to remain pure until they marry. As you might suspect, a lot of people find these galas, at best, meaningless, and at worst, the father's attempt to own their daughter's sexuality and her body.

From Generations of Light:

The Father Daughter Purity Ball is a memorable ceremony for fathers to sign commitments to be responsible men of integrity in all areas of purity. The commitment also includes their vow to protect their daughters in their choices for purity. The daughters silently commit to live pure lives before God through the symbol of laying down a white rose at the cross. Because we cherish our daughters as regal princesses—for 1 Peter 3:4 says they are “precious in the sight of God”—we want to treat them as royalty.

While the silent commitment is on the part of the young women participating in the gala, this pledge is give by the father:
I, (DAUGHTER'S NAME)'S FATHER, CHOOSE BEFORE GOD TO COVER MY DAUGHTER AS HER AUTHORITY AND PROTECTION IN THE AREA OF PURITY. I WILL BE PURE IN MY OWN LIFE AS A MAN, HUSBAND AND FATHER. I WILL BE A MAN OF INTEGRITY AND ACCOUNTABLITY AS I LEAD, GUIDE AND PRAY OVER MY DAUGHTER AND MY FAMILY AS THE HIGH PRIEST IN MY HOME. THIS COVERING WILL BE USED BY GOD TO INFLUENCE GENERATIONS TO COME.

From this, I don't see that these young ladies are pledging their purity to their fathers, but committing a precious part of their lives to God. One of the questions posed to me was, do the purity balls/galas work? My response is that in many cases, it won't, but many times what works is not necessarily helpful. What's right is not always the easiest thing to do or accept. Some of the criticism of the purity movement relates to the teaching of abstinence, and it is my belief that we are foolish not to teach abstinence. Not to teach abstinence because abstinence doesn't work is like saying we shouldn't teach long division because everyone owns calculators.

Nothing about the purity movement concerns me except any attempt to turn it into a commercial enterprise. The interviewer shared with me that one of the products marketed to the young women in the movement is underwear that says "my daddy is watching." That's a bit much. But the movement is, in general, a positive promotion of what is truly good and beautiful.

Comments

Sarah,

I’m all for a father being involved in his daughter's life and with her as a person, and setting an example of purity and encouraging her to live a pure life. But there’s something about the purity ball that concerns me. It could be that I’m just not “getting it,” or that my opinion is colored by my own issues. But it just seems a little too...intimate, and powder-puffing of the girls.

I believe that fathers and daughters should have an intimate relationship in the sense that there is deep friendship and respect, as well as proper fatherly protection, guidance, and discipline. But dressing up in a romantic way and going out together to a formal and dancing together...doesn’t seem quite right. I wonder if it doesn’t send mixed messages.

Yes, I know that fathers dance with their married daughters at their wedding receptions, but that’s different. He has already escorted her down the aisle to her husband, and is dancing with her to not only signify the closeness of his relationship with her, but to honor her, and send her off with his blessing. She’s already wedded to her husband. And her mother is usually present as well.

I also find the wording of the pledge unfortunate. I am unaware of scriptural warrant for calling a father a high priest in his home. A spiritual leader, yes, but we have one high priest: Jesus Christ.

A daughter’s relationship with her father is crucial to her sense of well-being and, consequently, her sexual purity. I know this only too well. But it’s the day-to-day relationship that determines this, not just a purity ball. He must make her feel special and important and loved every day, whether she’s in jeans, a dress, or her bathrobe with a towel around her head, not just during one “magical” evening where the dynamic is, to my impression, one which blurs boundaries a little too much.

Wilson claims that the event is not about daughters pledging purity to their fathers, but the effect of the way the event is set up is that pledging to their fathers seems to be exactly what they are doing. It is a little curious that the girls themselves do not speak. Not that they should be forced to if they don’t want to, and I understand that the event is supposed to be about fathers pledging to be good fathers. But if so, then why do the daughters put white roses down by a cross?

Ultimately I believe it’s a father’s job to empower his daughter to be strong in the Lord, not strong for him or her future husband. The father's pledge statement implies that he takes total responsibility for his daughter, and this implies that she has no responsibility of her own.

Fathers do let their daughters down, regardless of their pledges and good intentions. As husbands let their wives down. A daughter must have her own voice and her own strength in reliance upon God. And mothers are important in shaping this as well.


Posted by: Bonnie at January 15, 2008 1:27 PM

Bonnie - I admit that I'm not comfortable with the balls/galas myself, and i find it unfortunate that the emphasis seems exclusively on young women. As a mom of teenage boys, I can't help to wonder if this is simply a symptom of our evangelical subculture i how girls/women are viewed. Right now, I'm being cautious with my knee-jerk reaction that I haven't verbalized until now, that the balls/galas to strike me as a bit weird. I want to put some substance to that after more analysis. But in terms of the event promoting abstinence, I don't care if it seems not to work for everyone who participates, it's sending a positive message in that respect.

Posted by: Sarah Flashing at January 15, 2008 1:32 PM

If you look past the tone, here's a post that offers another idea for an event to promote chastity (http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2008/01/15/purity-ball-vs-hill-visit-which-is-more-effective). A community lobbying event that teens and young adults organize and implement can send a powerful message in a way that includes boys and girls alike. That's a message I can get behind much more easily than I can one of these purity prom things.

Posted by: Mrs. Y at January 15, 2008 5:25 PM
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