This was first posted this at my own blog earlier in the year. I hope it might offer some encouragement to any new mums who are reading here.
Channel 4 aired a programme last night entitled “Extraordinary Breastfeeding.” In it the they met various women who were breastfeeding their children well beyond the expected Western ‘norm’ of 1 year. Many of them were feeding children aged between 2 and 4 years, whilst one mother was still breastfeeding her 7 year old daughter. Such practice might, I suspect, have self-styled breastfeeding experts such as Gary Ezzo and Gina Ford reaching for the Valium bottle. Many people would be appalled to hear about these families thinking it inapropriate or just plain wierd that they would want to raise their families this way, even medical experts around the world have varying guidelines on how long it is beneficial for children to be breastfed.
I fed our first son for almost two years, though after his first year it was usually only before bed. I have recently stopped feeding our second son at 16 months due to us all being unwell for a couple of days and my supply sadly disappearing overnight. I have been fortunate in that I have never encountered any negative criticism regarding breastfeeding, unlike some of my friends who have been asked to leave restaurants, or to feed their baby in the ladies toilet.
So what’s a parent to do then with so much contradictory advice?
Whether a baby is breastfed for 6 weeks, 2 years or not at all, you can very quickly feel overwhelmed as a new parent with the plethora of information that is available on how to raise your child well. There are books proudly proclaiming that they have the secret to confident parenting or others who claim that following their advice will most likely result in a baby that is sleeping through the night from between 3 and 8 weeks of age. These are lofty claims indeed and what new parent wouldn’t be lured by the promise of a contented sleeping baby after only a few weeks, even if some advice in these books and others, runs contrary to current medical research.
So how should we approach this as new parents ? Where do we go for good advice and information? How do we sift the good from the bad? What about those of us who are more experienced parents, what help can we offer new parents?
Paul, in Titus 2:3-4 says “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
I thought it interesting to note that Paul says that young mothers need to learn to love their children. Perhaps this is in part a recognition that for some mothers, bonding with their babies is something that does not come automatically, and that they need a great deal of support and encouragement from those who have been wise and godly parents for some time. I think he also recognises that as sinners it is often easier to find fault with and be critical of our children than it is to be patient and loving towards them. In his commentary on Titus, William Hendriksen writes
“One understands immediately that no one - not even Titus - is better able to train a young woman than an experienced, older woman. Note the empahsis on love. The Christian young woman must be trained to love her husband and to love her children. Was it not love that saved her? “
George W Knight III writing in his book on the same passage also notes that in the original greek language the word philotechnoi used here refers to women “loving ones children” in a positive and not indulgent manner. He, like Hendrikson draws our attention to the fact that the list of characteristics for the young woman begins with love for husband and children.
So how can we apply this to our own situation? If you are an ‘older woman’ and a parent with experience it would be a good idea to look for opportunities to serve and encourage those ‘young women’ who may be struggling with parenthood. Perhaps the church at large ought to be more pro-active by recognising the challenges new parents face and encouraging more of the Titus 2 model of support, then maybe the ‘gaps’ wouldn’t need to be filled so often with ‘how to’ baby books.
If you are a new parent, or about to become a new parent, it’s very important in light of Paul’s exhortation, to filter the advice of all your childrearing books throught the lens of scripture, especially those that use scripture proof texts to back up their advice. The authors I mentioned above have written some very controversial and yet popular parenting advice books. You will note that neither Gary Ezzo or Gina Ford (who is single with no children) fit the picture of an ‘older woman’ equipped to intruct a younger mother to love her husband and children, as we see in Titus 2. That does not mean of course that they have nothing useful to say, but we must be discerning and check carefully to ensure that any advice we follow from them or any other authors fits with scripture.
You should see that the most important thing for your infant is not simply that they are sleeping through the night by 8 weeks old, or that they are feeding every 2 hours, 3 hours or 4 hours, depending on which book you read. Learning to love your growing baby is your priority and that will undoubtedly involve a lot of time, effort and sleepless nights. Nursing a baby night after night can be exhausting and it’s easy to become despondent. Galatians 6:9 says “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” While the verse is not refering directly to nursing mothers, I think it should be a source of encouragement for all new parents, that they may persevere through those first weeks knowing that an abundance of time and love invested in their newborn will be for the childs ultimate good.
In conclusion, I think Isaiah 66:11-13 beautifully sums up all that I’ve been trying to say. It paints a wonderful picture of a loving and joyful relationship between a mother and her child.
11That you may nurse and be satisfied
from her consoling breast;
that you may drink deeply with delight
from her glorious abundance.”
12For thus says the LORD:
“Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river,
and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream;
and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip,
and bounced upon her knees.
13As one whom his mother comforts,
so I will comfort you;
you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.
