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What say you? The topic: Christian singleness
Judging by response to my previous posts addressing certain elements of this subject, Christian singleness is a highly-charged issue. It seems that there is a real need for godly support of single Christians.
I�m wondering if facilitation of dialogue on the subject might be helpful, so I will provide some threads for discussion here.
Of course the subject has many aspects that might be discussed. I think it will be helpful to look at them separately in separate threads. Although there will no doubt be areas in which answers to these questions overlap or are interrelated, I think maximum benefit can be accomplished by keeping responses as close to the topic(s) of each particular thread as possible. If there is a need, an additional thread(s) can be started after the first set for any other questions/issues not yet dealt with.
Here are four areas of questions to start discussion for four threads:
1) What does the life of a single Christian living fully unto the Lord �look like�? What are ways that a Christian single may serve God both in work and relationships?
2) How might a single Christian live a life of purity in thought and in deed? How might such a Christian deal with sexual desire and desire for close companionship and children?
3) How might a Christian deal with the �waiting and wondering�? How does a Christian single find his or her �calling�? What does calling mean in terms of the single Christian?
4) How might a single �find� a spouse?
This thread is for discussion of (1): a picture of the life and service of a Christian single serving the Lord fully, in work and relationships. What might it include? What might it not include?
Thank you!
Oh good heavens. *is distressed* Sorry about that. I had not meant to post my reply before I had edited it, and had of course included my name and email address. I've just mucked up the thread. *groans*
Here then is my edited reply in its entirety, and apologies:
I’d love to unpack 1 Corinthians 7: 32-35 in more detail than this post will allow, but suffice to say that Paul does regard singleness as a great blessing in that it frees up people to serve the Lord, whereas a married person can be torn between their love of God and their (wholly right and legitimate) love of their spouse.
I deplore the tendency in some US conservative Christian circles (I'm British) to exalt marriage over singleness. This is a grave post-Reformation error. Much as I esteem Luther and Calvin, they both over-reacted in their (proper) rejection of the medieval Church's error in exalting celibacy over marriage.
Marriage is a good thing. A really good thing. And it's a normative thing. But Paul does have a bias for singleness, and while we should acknowledge the historical context of that - he and the other early believers believed that Christ would return in their lifetimes - we should also take what he says about singleness on board and not just dismiss it. And frankly, what greater validation for the single state can there be than the Lord Jesus Christ Himself?
Let's honour both marriage and singleness and not despise one and over-exalt the other. Both attitudes are erroneous, and can actually be very hurtful.
The temptations to worldliness are the same for both marrieds and singles, in my opinion. Being single and trying to be wholly devoted to the Lord is no automatic guarantee of spiritual success. Marrieds and singles alike battle the three-fold onslaught of the world, the flesh, and the devil. Spiritual warfare doesn't cease when one gets married. Far from it.
And, yes, many of us do struggle with our singleness. Yes, we love God. Yes, we serve Him in our churches and are involved in our communities and witnessing to others in our workplaces. Yes, we can acknowledge the benefits and blessings of our single state (there ARE some!) But we also long passionately to be loved by someone who will love us as much as any other imperfect human being can ever do (acknowledging that God alone can meet all of our needs).
So here’s my bottom line on this: all Christians are called to give 100% surrender to God, to love Him with all our mind, heart, soul and strength. Of course this is impossible, given our sinful human nature, which is why He gives us His Holy Spirit, who will replace our hearts of stone with hearts of flesh. ‘Living fully unto the Lord’ applies equally to marrieds and singles alike. So my answer is that the ways in which a Christian single serves God, in work and relationships, are exactly the same as the ways in which a married person serves God, because all of us who follow Christ are called to put God first in everything. Him first, our families second, ourselves last. Not that any of us find that easy, which is why sanctification is the process of a lifetime.
Thank you. (I don't know whether you have the capacity to delete my first, anonymous post or not, but if so ... thanks!)
I've been thinking about this for a few days. I do not find anything in the Bible to give the answers to your questions, other than general information on how all followers of Christ should behave. Why try to make up rules on how Christian singles "should" be according to you or me or anybody else?
Philippa, thanks so much for commenting.
I hope others may still find this thread and comment as well.
Dollymama, the purpose of these threads is discussion, not rule-making. The reason for provision of such a forum has been summarized in this post: it is a response to comments, on this blog and elsewhere, by singles who state that the church does not support them in their singleness.
Support includes acceptance of singleness as legitimate (in cases where it is truly legitimate, which are many, and Philippa speaks well to this) as well as practical advice and help in living life as a single. There is a lot of support, in the form of books, online articles, courses, seminars, etc. for married folk and all sorts of other “category” of folk; singles ought not be excluded from this type of support.
Philippa is correct, in every way. God bless you, sister.
As an adult male, American Christian called to singleness, I can attest to her wisdom and to the truth of her statements. There is little place for me in the modern American church. The matchmaker efforts, when they reach my brick wall, naturally require explanations I do not feel obligated to supply. Therefore, I avoid close fellowship with the brethren, so as to keep private something between myself and my Lord. This relationship, being akin to spousal, is so intensely personal that I never discuss it, and have never told another living soul about it until now, in this anonymous forum. (They all think I just can't find a mate, or wonder, I am sure, whether I am a homosexual or living in some other wanton way). Moreover, such a claim to this rare thing spoken of by our Lord and Paul gives rise to sin in the hearts of others: "So he not only thinks he's too good for so-and-so, he also thinks he is one of these few, these special ones." (see Mt. 19) Like Phillippa, I sometimes envy the existence, for all its error and excess, of the accepted celibate alternative in Roman Catholicism.
Finally, if you are wondering whether you have this gift or calling, don't worry about it. The Lord gets His way...every time. He will show you, plain enough. That being said, whether you "burn" for intimacy with another human being is a good indicator you are not called to this kind of life. But I sincerely believe that the calling is so extremely rare that I must discourage anyone from jumping to the conclusion that they have this calling. If you're nearing 35 or 40 and are still single, and you don't feel as if you need to find a human mate, then explore the possibility. Until then, it is safest to conclude, since marriage is indeed normative, that you have just not yet found the one the Lord has for you. And, of course, remember that sex outside of marriage is never legitimate.
Soli Deo gloria.
--R.
PS. What a wonderful idea to discuss this matter. Lord grant you ladies wisdom, and please pardon my intrusion into your sanctuary.
Robert,
No intrusion at all, your comment is most welcome. Thank you so much for contributing.
It's a regrettable thing indeed that you have not found that you can share who you are with your brethren -- it's their loss!
Also, you bring a very interesting subject into this discussion: that of a near-spousal relationship with the Lord. It reminds me of the Thomas Merton I've read, though that was long ago. I would be very interested to hear more -- do you blog?
Catholics call it the mystical marriage - quite rare, even among those called to the unmarried state.
