addiction, n. 1. the condition of being addicted (to a habit); habitual inclination.
addicted, a. devoted or given up (to a practice or habit, especially a bad habit.) Syn. – devoted, accustomed, prone, attached, habituated, disposed, inclined, abandoned.
Addiction is a difficult thing. It’s something that’s not easy to talk about, especially for those who’ve struggled with it. Which would include me, but I guess I’d like talk about it anyway.
Probably the greatest factor influencing any kind of addiction is discomfort, or pain –- emotional or mental discomfort/pain, most likely, but perhaps physical pain as well. The pain may involve shame, guilt, feelings of insecurity, self-loathing, or depression, in varying degrees. Most of all, the addicted person lacks ability to deal with very strong and perhaps confused feelings, thoughts, and desires, usually of the negative type but sometimes of distorted-positive type as well, which are often exacerbated by the addiction itself.
Persons may have difficulty dealing with pain or managing out-of-control thoughts and feelings because they have been very deeply wounded. They may have suffered at the poor treatment of important persons in their lives, i.e., family members, relatives, friends, teachers, or coaches. Or they may not have had good role models for the proper handling of emotions and thoughts (negative ones especially) nor anyone to help them deal with these things, in their formative years especially. Perhaps they were punished for even having negative feelings or thoughts. How many “normal” people don’t have trouble dealing with these things, let alone someone who hasn’t been “allowed” to have them? It’s that much worse for the truly abused or profoundly hurt person, who may go through all sorts of inner turmoil trying to make sense of negative experiences and the resulting emotions and thoughts. It’s natural to want to try to end the torment, both external and internal, and to go to great (if misguided) lengths to do so.
A person may become addicted to something in order to try to escape pain even though he/she knows it only works temporarily and in the long run actually adds to the pain. Such a person may become addicted to a certain pleasure (not necessarily a “vice,” but anything, even something legitimate, that causes pleasure, indulged in an intemperate way) in order to avoid dealing with some part of his/her reality. Such persons may try hard to find ways to feel adequate, significant, or valuable in various pursuits that are not ultimately healthy. They either do not know how to express their thoughts, desires, and strong emotions properly within their relationships, work habits, and hobbies, or else have no one with whom to safely do so, so they pour their desires and strong emotions into an unhealthy pursuit. (They cannot trust.) Such situations therefore become prisons, trapping persons inside and exacerbating their distress.
Others perhaps punish themselves with habits they otherwise justify, but, in moments of honesty and transparency, are aware of what they are doing. The resulting feelings then cause a downward spiral. Often the escape and the punishment occur within the same activity.
Sometimes it’s hard to draw the line between something merely relied upon and an actual addiction. We all rely on many things every day. Some things we can do without, some we really can’t. Some things we become used to, and if those things change, for whatever reason, we find ourselves grieving or going through a withdrawal of sorts. This is quite normal. But it becomes abnormal if the feelings and thoughts get put into some practice or habit that keeps a person from truly dealing with them to the point of resolution.
As to overcoming addiction, there are treatment centers, books, support/discussion/prayer groups, and counselors for the purpose. But there is another major source that may be under-availed: people willing to befriend those who are troubled, appreciate them for who they are, and get close enough to provide a listening ear and a safe haven. It may take a fairly strong person to do this, but what a ministry. Wouldn’t it be helpful if long-time friends were willing to “go into” areas that are usually avoided because they’re awkward & uncomfortable, or because the friends think they wouldn’t know what to do or say to help, or don’t want to invade unspoken boundaries? Boundary issues are certainly a legitimate and necessary consideration, but perhaps they ought to be reassessed and redrawn in certain situations.
Surely the most fundamental way an addicted person can be helped is in the same way any person who’s dealing with a traumatic situation can be helped: through friends being there for them and listening to them. Through being treated with dignity, as if they are “normal,” and as if their feelings and thoughts matter. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)
Those who are troubled need to step out and risk revealing their insecurities, which can be difficult since they may lack the skills to do so properly and/or they’ve had their vulnerability trampled in the past. Often personal boundary issues are involved because troubled individuals have had their own boundaries violated by those in whom they put their trust.
Obviously, though, if persons in either position cannot put aside their trepidations, then not much healing can take place.
This healing may include “unlearning” the lessons of pain, lessons that have imparted confusion and feelings of worthlessness. Wounded persons may need to learn that in bearing suffering or difficulty without seeking an instant escape, they may truly find their identity in Christ. Christ is the ultimate example of one who took on humiliation and abuse that He did not deserve. By seeing wounded-ness in this light, a person can find value in being made in the imago dei as well as strength from identity in Christ as a person redeemed and called for a purpose. A person can find strength to forgive, and thus gain insight into the pain of the one(s) who have caused pain, by learning to rely on God rather than created things. Empathy and compassion bloom in such a healed heart and mind, leading to restored relationships and healthier social interaction. Increased understanding and cultivation of a tender heart are benefits also reaped by the friend who’s helped salve a wounded heart/mind.
You may have thought that this post was over, but there’s one more thing I’d like to throw in: that of addiction and the unregenerate person. No doubt there are many unregenerate persons who are slaves to all sorts of addictions. But addictions are not limited to the unregenerate; I’m sure we all agree on that. So my statements above are made with the assumption that many a person suffering addiction of some sort can be “evangelized” or otherwise brought closer to Christ via loving fellowship. (And, indeed, some addictions are more severe than others, or more destructive than others...perhaps there is no one completely free...?)
