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summa cum SAHM*

I found this NY Times article on Wednesday (hot tip from the ladies of Got Me a College Girl), read it over the course of a couple of days, and have been debating whether or not to make my response into a full-fledged essay. For now I think I'll just pick out enough quotes for brief commentary to encourage some discussion even if you aren't up to reading the whole article.

Many women at the nation's most elite colleges say they have already decided that they will put aside their careers in favor of raising children. Though some of these students are not planning to have children and some hope to have a family and work full time, many others, like Ms. Liu, say they will happily play a traditional female role, with motherhood their main commitment.
...
Much attention has been focused on career women who leave the work force to rear children. What seems to be changing is that while many women in college two or three decades ago expected to have full-time careers, their daughters, while still in college, say they have already decided to suspend or end their careers when they have children.

My first reaction was probably unwisely optimistic - I'm very excited to see women coming to their senses and realizing they can't do it all. But should we actually see a great number of women reclaiming the priority of family over career, there will no doubt be ugly reactions from a culture with a such skewed understanding of the roles of women who have families.

For some, full devotion to motherhood may be nothing more than an opportunity to exercise in the home the very same sort of selfish ambition that the culture encourages them to wield as CEOs and politicians. Women since Eve are highly inventive in manipulating to gain such power; the weirdly vehement effusions of one interviewee are sadly indicative of this:

"Parents have such an influence on their children...I want to have that influence. Me!"
(That emphatic "me!" is what makes it rather scary to me.)

Among outside reactions, the article's author notes that an exodus of estrogen from the workplace "presents a conundrum." Harvard's perplexed director of undergrad admissions, a woman herself, asked the following on behalf of all who are wondering what has poisoned the water at the Ivy League girls dorms:

"It really does raise this question for all of us and for the country: when we work so hard to open academics and other opportunities for women, what kind of return do we expect to get for that?"

The feminists are similarly shocked:

"They are still thinking of this as a private issue; they're accepting it," said Laura Wexler, a professor of American studies and women's and gender studies at Yale. "Women have been given full-time working career opportunities and encouragement with no social changes to support it.

"I really believed 25 years ago," Dr. Wexler added, "that this would be solved by now."


...
"What does concern me," said Peter Salovey, the dean of Yale College, "is that so few students seem to be able to think outside the box; so few students seem to be able to imagine a life for themselves that isn't constructed along traditional gender roles."

Nevertheless, something that partially restored my optimism was some consideration of what the Church could do with this in terms of ministry to young women. One obstacle is made clear when I hear students, in relating their plans for school and future years, rigidly compartmentalize their lives into school/work, church/faith, and family, or a similar set of categories that demand no such division. Within the Church, we should be guiding women who have been inculcated with cultural opinions regarding women and careers toward the idea that their ministry can and should be holistic; if this shift endures, it could be a harbinger of an expanding mission field for SAHMs whose neighbors will include these women. But there is also a responsibility for the Church's thinkers, both men and women, to step up and claim: only when we bring them around to acknowledging the biblical basis for so-called traditional roles can we really begin to strip down the authority of secular humanist and feminist powers in higher education.

(*SAHM = stay-at-home mom)

Comments

Ha! I am very glad to hear it, and I can't say I'm surprised. As I am only 24, I'm not so far out of college. I could have pursued a high-powered career (law tempted me the most), but just the thought of it seemed empty. I'm not surprised that other women feel the same way.

All the horrified reations you recorded from feminists, school officials etc. are rather pathetic. They seem to think that these women are being so influenced by the culture that they can't think outside the gender role box. Well, the culture no longer pushes traditional roles but human nature will not be so easily changed. Don't these people realize that women have maternal instincts that come from INSIDE themselves and that cannot be easily ignored or suppressed? This fact makes perfect sense, even from a secular evolutionary perspective.

Keep these posts coming. It is very interesting to me.

Posted by: Hannah at October 8, 2005 4:52 PM

It has been interesting to see the swing in the priorities of women. I am from the previous generation and was there when the feminists were proclaiming their gospel of having it all, being just like men, having access to all that life has to offer and being able to refuse the ways of the past. So many of my generation followed those ideas and lived them out. ( I did not, becoming a mother and eventually finishing my college degree. ) Now my generation is becoming old and while we all thought we could be whatever we wanted, we are now growing old and too late realizing that life is full not only of choices but consequences to those choices.
We can't have it all. What we do have though, we can have to the full knowing that life is better lived deeply, fully and in love with God, than as though a buffet of 1000 experiences. I would rather have one great meal at a wonderful restaurant than spend every friday at Old Country Buffet trying out all the various mystery meats and starches.
Only an older woman's thoughts...

Posted by: Barbara at October 8, 2005 7:16 PM

Interesting post, Laura. I was somewhat aware of the retro-motherhood movement but it’s good to hear more about it. I agree that if it’s merely a cause to champion, or bandwagon to jump on, the movement may not be as promising at it seems. On the other hand, perhaps, if enough young women actually go for it, we may see the value of mothering get more of the public (and Church) attention it deserves. We also may see more people turning their attention toward supporting young mothers and toward the idea of parents actually raising their own (very young, especially*) children instead of sending them off to day-institutions for a large portion of their waking lives.

*I don't mean to turn this comment into a plug for homeschooling; I think the matter of where one's children are schooled has to do with what other choices one's family must make and what is in the best interests of the children.

Posted by: Bonnie at October 8, 2005 9:33 PM

It also just goes to show that all this fuss about the genders being basically the same is ridiculous -- women who are given the opportunity to be female men are turning it down because the natural desire is to be womanly females.
Nonetheless, you're right about the feminine manipulation. But isn't that what you and I are aiming for, missy? :P

Posted by: Kilby at October 9, 2005 4:15 AM

I feel that the Church (certainly here in the UK) does not really give enough weight to the importance of the role of the mother. I see many young christian newlyweds and those planning to be married buying homes based on two full time salaries. Without thinking it through in the first place they then find themselves in a position where they realise too late that the wife needs to return to work in order to pay the bills. It's a real tragedy and I think we'll see the fallout from the daycare culture in years to come.

I was a nurse before I had my children, I know some people I have talked to think that its a waste that I'm at home, but it seems to based on your earning potential, if I had been an office cleaner I don't think they would hold the same view.

I feel truly depressed when I see daycare facilities advertising that they take babies from age 6 weeks from 7am - 6pm. In my County they now have a nursey that is open 24 hours a day - I kid you not.

I don't suppose it will be too long then before we see kids effectively living in these places 5 days a week.

*sigh*

Posted by: Sheena at October 9, 2005 12:07 PM

Laura I really appreciate your comment about motherhood also being prone to the play of power. Where motherhood is particularly tauted in evangelical church circles, I think this sort of attitude isn't addressed. There seems to be no possibility that women might want to be a SAHM for the wrong reasons as the end product is endorsed as what is right and proper for a woman. It is only by living so-called traditional roles in a radically different (i.e. Christ-centred) way that the culture can begin to change. Granted I think we need women living like that in all areas including the marketplace.

Posted by: Ashley at October 10, 2005 2:42 AM

The feminists have forgotten their roots--Mary Wollstonecraft, considered a radical in her day, advocated women staying home to raise their kids, even while having employment before marriage. Maybe we're starting to get back to that? *crosses fingers*

Posted by: Manders at October 10, 2005 3:31 AM

I read the article -- it was a bit of a shocker. I work with alot of young women who feel a church leadership call on their lives. They also want to get married, have children. What I am trying to sort through with them is how do you pursue the one (marriage, kids) without tossing the other (God's leadership call) out the window? It is difficult stuff -- I'm still thinking that it is possible to keep a thread going...

Posted by: Ellen at October 15, 2005 8:28 AM

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