Ask Joe: Pierced Lobes and Lost Husbands

Dear Joe,
My dad is an old fogey who thinks that guys shouldn't wear earrings at all, but especially not at work. I say that if my boss doesn't care then it's okay. What do you say?

Dear T.,
I have to side with you on this one. It's perfectly acceptable for a guy to wear an earring at work. That's assuming, of course, that the guy works on a pirate ship. Pirates can get away with wearing earrings; on other men it makes them look foppish. An earring is perfectly acceptable, though, if you're going for the pirate look. Or the foppish look. Or the foppish pirate look.

But if you're going for such a look you'll want to be on the cutting-edge of fashion. Today the oversize, baggy look is in style so don't bother with a diamond stud or small hoop. Instead, get one of those 6 inch gold hoops to hang off your lobe. Wear that and I guarantee you'll be the talk of the high seas.

Why will men drive around lost for hours instead of just stopping and asking for directions?

Dear POW,
When I took my vows as an advice columnist I swore to always tell the truth. So while I'll probably get in trouble for letting you in on our secret, I have to be completely honest: We're not really directionless, we're just pretending to be lost.

The suprising truth is that we just drive around in circles acting confused because we know how much this behavior infuriates women. Admittedly, it's ridiculously passive-aggressive. But it's also a lot more fun that you could imagine. When we pass the same gas station for the thirteenth time and mutter, "Well, it's got to be around here somewhere," we do it just to see the look on your face.

That pained, frustrated expression you make when you're trying to keep from losing your last fingerhold on sanity? Priceless.

The best part of the experience, though, is when we get together with other men and compare stories about how our wife's head almost exploded while we were pretending to search for a street address. Somehow when we're pulling this stunt we retain the ability to be completely stoical and straight faced. Yet when we share this tale with our buddies we start giggling like Japanese schoolgirls.

It's a biological fact that all men are born with innate sense of direction; we couldn't get lost if we tried. What makes it even funnier is that we often confess to having this ability and yet no woman ever believes us! That is why we are able to pass on this lark down to our sons, and generation after generation, women fall for it every time.