Dear Joe,
My parents are driving me crazy. I’m fifteen but they treat me like I’m ten. They act like I am incapable of doing anything right. Everything I do is wrong. All I ever hear is how when I’m their age I’ll see things differently and that I’m too young to understand. They don’t realize that the world has changed since they were my age. Kids know more at fifteen nowadays than eighteen years olds used to know. Help me out, Joe. What can I do to get them to understand me?
Dear F.T.,
Don’t be too hard on your parents. While you may not agree with their approach I'm sure you realize that they have good intentions. The are a number of reasons they treat you as if you don’t know anything. They love you, they want to protect you, and, most of all, they realize that you don't know as much as you think you do.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that teens lack intelligence. Just because they can’t figure out how to properly wear baseball caps (hint: the bill goes to the front) or jeans (e.g., they should be worn around the waist, not around the thigs) doesn’t mean they aren’t bright. Intelligence, though, as I’ve discovered, is an overrated attribute. It’s not as if you can’t get a job without it (I'm living proof).
What is essential in life is wisdom. And that can only be acquired with age and experience. It’s sort of the consolation prize adults get for screwing up their lives. Your parents have gained wisdom while you, alas, are still lacking. It’s not that they don’t understand you. They understand more than you think. They’ve been in your shoes and have discovered that the dumbest statement in the English language is, “I have to learn for myself.”
Here is a preview of some of the things you’ll be learning after you finish that long slog through puberty:
You’ll be ashamed of how you used to dress -- You can’t look at old yearbook photos of your mom without laughing at her beehive hairdo, can you? Go take a look in the mirror. See that. Take a good look because that’s the hair style that your kids will be laughing about. Your parents at least have an advantage you don’t have. They realize both how silly they looked and how goofy you look now. And, unlike your generation, they will never have to explain that ugly scar caused by the infected nose ring.
You’ll become a Republican (for at least a day) -- In the near future you’ll get your first job. Soon after you’ll get your first paycheck and find that you only received half of what you thought you had earned. The other half will be given to some guy named FICA. From this experience you may acquire a lifelong hatred of taxes. And even if it doesn’t permanently affect your political views, it will have a significant impact. After all, even liberal Democrats itemize their deductions.
You’ll learn to appreciate country music -- Kids who grow up listening to rock or rap often believe that country musicians only sing about how the dog died, the truck broke down, and their woman ran off. That is, of course, a fairly accurate assessment of country music. But by the time you hit forty you’ll have had your share of dead dogs, dead batteries, and dead-end relationships. You’ll find that you can relate to this music better than you can songs about drinking champagne while driving in your Rolls and getting shot at by rival East Coast rappers.
You’ll find you never stop learning -- I’m 36. When I look back my life at age 25 I realized I didn’t know as much as I thought I did. Of course when I was 25 I looked back at 18 and wondered how I ever survived being so stupid. The one constant in life -- other than that FICA guy -- is that you never stop learning. Somewhere an 87 year old man is saying to himself, “You know, when I was 65… I just didn’t have a clue.”
Ashamed of how I dressed - Check
Republican for a day - Check
Realize the learning never stops - Check
Appreciate Country music - (qualified) Check
I have not made it much past Johnny Cash. I do not like the Nashville Star kind of stuff.
You’ll be ashamed of how you used to dress ...but eventually you won't care...
You’ll become a Republican (for at least a day)...Afraid not. Some of us are responsible citizens. And yes, we do itemize our deductions, but that is what the law is. We respect the law, unlike some youths who later become conservative Washington Post bloggers. (Best thing to happen to you guys since Jeff Gannon. Evidently Hugh Hewitt's and Michelle Malkin's guy at Regnery, as well as the folks at NRO, were treated to the services of a plagiarist who makes Jayson Blair look like somebody who at least made up his own stories. But I digress...)
You’ll learn to appreciate country music ...True, but not for the reasons you cite. Thankfully there were folks such as Johnny Cash, Steve Goodman, Willie Nelson, and I suspect others who mixed the boundaries of various musical forms and were outlaws in various senses of the term- not plastic poseurs who didn't understand Bob Dylan's dictum: "To live outside the law you must be honest." We respect the law, as I said above, but when lefties break the law, they do it right out in the open, with full disclosure that the law is being broken. So we respect the law even when we break it, unlike, as I said, some other folks...
You’ll find you never stop learning ...I know people about whom while this is true, it is true in a rather trivial sense. That is to say, they don't learn as though they were putting their lives on the line, which is in fact what each of us do every day. And that's true of folks both left and right.
My 16-year-old daughter looked at my high school senior photo and said, "Oooh, Brady Bunch!" (Yes, I date myself.)
I told her, "Quick, move out of the house, buy a nice car, get a good job and a great apartment while you still know everything!
What a great resource for teens!
Diane
We had a shouting match with our 16-yr-old know-it-all son last night where many of the items you note were "mentioned". What timing...
Mumon,
Why the confrontational comments? Were they really necessary for this harmless post? You're arguments would be more powerful if they were used more wisely.
Mumon,
Proof, indeed, that you still have much to learn...
Lots of teenager listen to Country Music these days. Especially since the 90's when the current crowd of actor/Waiter/model/Country Western Singers, came onto the scene.
But it does take time to learn to appreciate different kinds of music. Jazz, Classical, etc.
Good post. Now in my early forties, I have all but left rock and roll behind. Though I still have not gotten into Country music (exceptions: Johnny Cash and Roger Miller, which my dad liked) I have discovered some great Jazz.
Julie London and Blossom Dearie are gems. And these recordings are from the mid to late 1950s, for the most part.
Brian C:
I think it's patronizing, insulting, and quite cynical and misanthropic to think that one of necessity would grow up to be a Republican, if even for a day.
So, frankly, I found the very notion a bit more than confrontational myself.
Being a Republican in this day and age is hardly something I would want to promote in society. It's bad for people and their health.
March 24, 2005
Pictures:
I’m really gonna date myself. Those bell bottoms in my old pictures really look ridiculous, especially if they were too short. There was no point to having jeans wide at the bottom like that. And when they were too long, it made us look as if we were growing out of the ground.
Dress:
A couple of observations on the ball caps and the baggy jeans:
Baseball caps were designed to keep the sun out of your eyes. White boys, by turning them around, defeat this innovation, as well as leaving an ugly plastic strap and its resulting red crease across your forehead. If, however, you are trying to protect your neck from sunburn (i.e., becoming a redneck), it makes perfect sense. Also, if you are trying to keep the rain from going down your neck. However, if that is not your motivation, then it’s either stupid or an element of style (not always mutually exclusive).
Baggy, saggy pants, Part 1:
In my generation, we wore our jeans so tight that it’s a wonder we ever had children. Our jeans were not unlike the tights those ballet guys wear. Except for the bells at the bottom, which resembled tree trunks. But that’s the way the “chicks” liked them. They could see our fine young buns in our tight fitting jeans and that purportedly lead to a lot of that “free love” stuff. So we did have children after all.
Baggy jeans, on the other hand, hide everything you got, and make me wonder, how do you ever, whatchoo call, “hook up”, if a girl can’t see the shape of your body? Does letting 10 inches of belt hang out in front (as I have noticed some guys doing) send a more, not-so-subtle, neo-Freudian message?
Baggy, saggy pants, Part 2:
If you out cruising the hood, and trying to hook up wit a hoe, and some nigga come atchoo talking s---, an whip out a shiv, how you gonna fight that sucka while you trying to hold yo pants up?
On becoming a Republican:
NEVER! I have been a Christian, an atheist, an agnostic, a hippie, an anarchist, a libertine, a Democrat, and a democrat, before finally becoming a libertarian. I may become a Republican one day (seems to happen to the elderly, and it may be an early symptom of Alzheimer’s), but I can’t see it now.
On country music:
I have learned to appreciate (almost) all music. After years of Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and the Beatles, I now get chills from Bach and Beethoven. I swing when I hear “In the Mood”, my mother’s music. I love world and space music. Cool, improvised jazz blows my mind, daddy-o, and sometimes I git them down-home, Muddy Water, Mississippi John Hurtin’ blues. But, like Ray Charles, who said that rap music was not music, I can’t get into that at all. Maybe it’s because I’m not an angry, poor, young, drug-dealing, urban, Afro-American male. I’m an old white guy living in the country, sometimes listening to bluegrass and gospel.
On never-ending education:
If you don’t learn something new every day, you’re already dead.
I have learned this, though. I was the stupidest, most uncoordinated, ugliest teenager in the world in 1966. Most of that was what I perceived as my Dad’s opinion. But that was also my own lack of self-esteem and worth as a 16-year-old. You have to remember, my Dad, and yours, never went to “Dad” school. Every father and son relationship is a new experience for both, even if your Dad has older children than you. Because each child is different, and each father is different, sometimes becoming a different father with each child. You will get over this, get through this, somehow, because you will eventually find your true self, and find something that guides your life and turns you on so much that you become good at it, and with that will come confidence, self-esteem, and yes, manhood. And boy, when you become a father, everything will become clear to you then.
Also console yourself with this: My Dad’s advice was sometimes good and always well-intentioned. But he was finally overruled by time. He couldn’t give good advice because he was outdated; the world had changed too much from when he was coming up. Even such all-seeing and powerful men such as us Dads can’t predict the future with perfect accuracy. Now, some of the things he tells you will be true until you die, but remember that you will find him wrong, and you right, more and more as you get older. You just have to get a lot older.
Finally, remember the words of the sage. Nothing teaches like experience. And experience is just another word for mistakes.
That's a really cute post. Though I have to differ with your statement that "[y]ou’ll find that you can relate to this music better than you can songs about drinking champagne while driving in your Rolls and getting shot at by rival East Coast rappers."
Some of us retain our love of rap music, probably in an effort to fuel our Walter Mitty-like fantasies.
Mumon:
If you are not a liberal by age 25, you don't have a heart.
If you are not a conservative by age 35, you don't have a brain.
Mumon:
I can understand your political response to Joe's "Republican-for-a-day" item and your feeling that it was "confrontational." But what exactly did you find confrontational about the "country music" and "life-long learning" items that warranted a political response? Joe's saying that the wisdom gained through life experiences results in a greater appreciation for the themes prevalent in country music (hardship, sadness, heartbreak, etc.) and in the realization that we never stop learning new things.
What the hell does obeying the law or one's position on the political spectrum have to do with any of that?
RC:
Actually, I didn't - although I suppose if I were an afficionado of rap I'd take umbrage to the country music bit.
I also didn't think my response was that confrontational, especially on lifelong learning.
Too few people put their heart and soul, as it were, into their lives. That's all I was saying about the latter. And it's true.
Mumon:
"Too few people put their heart and soul, as it were, into their lives."
Absolutely agree.
What I was referring to, however, was:
"We respect the law, as I said above, but when lefties break the law, they do it right out in the open..."
and:
"And that's true of folks both left and right."
What I'm saying is that, irrespective of the veracity of your comments re: country music or life-long learning, politicizing those topics with references to the (political) left/right was just unnecessary. It doesn't really add to the discussion of Joe's post about the hard-earned wisdom of age, and it makes you sound confrontational when you're not trying to be.
Don't let superfluous stuff get in the way of good insights. :)
Very enjoyable post Joe. But you forgot to mention one more important reason why (younger) men (should) convert to country music: because there are many beautiful young women that like it. And of course, who would have known after a while you actually end up liking it for the reasons you listed?
was i the only one who found this post incredibly patronising? it didn't exactly give helpful, understanding advice to the person who asked the question. the letter was selfishly used as an opportunity to air your own views, and the style of the post shows a lack of care for the frustrated teen. well, i'd feel you were being condescending if you spoke to me in this way.
sorry, have just read that back and realised now i'm the one being rude! just wanted you to reconsider your style. even though you know that the teens frustration will pass, at the time it feels very real. didn't mean to have a rant though :-)
Geez, kids. It was FUNNY. The whole "republican" thing wasn't meant to hurt, it was a dig at the tax man, for pete's sake. Lighten up!
"Being a Republican in this day and age is hardly something I would want to promote in society. It's bad for people and their health."
In that light, whatever substance you took to make you such an insufferable ideologue should be made a Schedule I drug.