Dear Joe,
The other day my girlfriend broke out an old photo album that coincidentally had a bunch of pictures of old boyfriends. Every one of them were really good-looking. I was just joking around and asked her if she thought I was the most handsome guy she has ever dated. She didn’t say anything. Then I asked her if she even thought I was good-looking. She hesitated and said that wasn’t what she found attractive in me. Needless to say, I kind of freaked out. My own girlfriend doesn’t think I’m attractive. How am I supposed to deal with something like that?
Dear L.R.,
I’m a homely guy.
Oftentimes when I make that statement people assume that I must have a low self-esteem. People assume that if you don’t find yourself attractive then you must have some psychological issues. But for me that’s not the case at all. In fact, I have a ridiculously high estimation of myself considering that I’m basically a moron.
What I lack in intelligence, however, I make up for in self-awareness. There is no shame in being ugly as long as you are aware of that fact. Unfortunately, there are too many people running around that have no clue just how terribly unattractive they truly are.
I do my best to point it out to as many people as I can but, sadly, I can’t reach everyone. You need to take an honest look at yourself and decide if you fall into the ugly category.
There is a broad spectrum on the ugly scale with plain being on one end and carnie worker reject being on the other. Homely, where I fit in, falls somewhere in the middle. To be honest, I wish I were even uglier than I am. (Contrary to what my friends say I do think that it’s possible.) Being ugly has distinct advantages that beautiful people miss out on.
If you decide that your girlfriend was right and you are rather hideous then don’t despair. Here are just a few of the reasons why you shouldn’t want to be good-looking:
Ugly people are appreciated for their personality -- Beautiful people never know if people like them for who they are or how they look. I know plenty of pretty women and to be perfectly honest I couldn’t tell you if they have pleasant personalities or not. Heck, I couldn’t tell you if they have a personalities at all. If you’re ugly, though, and someone agrees to go out with you it’s because they like you for who you are. Unless, of course, you are rich. Then they like you because of your money.
Ugly people are funnier -- Think of all the truly funny people you know. Chances are they are unattractive. That’s because ugly people can’t take themselves too seriously. “Son, if you can’t laugh at yourself, my dad used to tell me, “then you’re obviously not looking in the mirror."
Ugly is cheap and easy -- I don’t mean that ugly people are cheap and easy (though that too is often the case) but that ugliness is low maintenance. When you’re ugly you don’t have to worry about trivialities such as make-up, or face lifts, or brushing your teeth. Since nothing you do is really going to matter you can just let yourself go.
Ugly people are more successful -- Beautiful people have everything handed to them. Ugly people, on the other hand, have to work harder to get what they want. Do you think there would be a Microsoft if Bill Gates looked like George Clooney? Great innovations, inventions, and advice columns are always produced by some ugly geek who couldn’t get a date and had nothing better to do than improve the world. Our economy if fueled on ugly.
Ugly people are the majority -- Forget the Democrat and Republican parties. Someday we ugly people will unite and become the biggest voting bloc in the country. One day we will take over and have all the pretty people be at our beck and call. I figure that we can hold our first convention at the state fair since we all congregate there anyway.
Ugly is inevitable -- Beauty fades but ugly is everlasting. If we live long enough we eventually all get ugly. Some of us fortunate ones just get there first.
1
Joe:
You make a great case for ugliness. It (almost) makes me want to be ugly.
Maybe I'm not as cute as I think I am, anyway. My wife thinks I'm cute though.
Thanks for your insights.
posted on 02.23.2006 10:58 PM2
I agree with most of your statements about ugliness, but I do have one thing to add, for the sake of the person asking the question.
I think that my wife is beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman in the world. Now, she would disagree, and she would probably say, "...only to you." Which may be the point of it. We need to be so exclusively minded in our approach to our spouses that they are the most beautiful and attractive of that gender, because they are the only ones that we "see"
You might disagree, but I think that is the way it was meant to be from the beginning. As a husband, I am to be a "one-woman" man.
I know that this guy isn't married yet, so the absolute exclusivity shouldn't be there yet, but there should at least be some form of attraction.
Silence would make me nervous. You want your spouse to be attracted to you.
posted on 02.24.2006 12:46 PM3
Joe,
I think you're selling yourself a bit short. You're just not as ugly as you'd like to be, I'm afraid.
My wife says that I'm good-looking, but I think she's just to kind to tell me the truth. Not to say that I'm a carnie worker reject, but I think I'd definitely fall into the homely category as well - especially with the extra 40-50 lbs. that I've added to my resume since seminary began.
Anyway, amen and amen to your post. I just met a barista at my favorite coffee shop from whom the carnies would have fled, but she was unbelieveably cool. She's a Messianic Jew who is taking leftover food from the cafe down to Wacker tonight with a bunch of friends to feed and share Christ with some of the homeless folks down there. That's just not something attractive people do. Good thoughts, Joe.
posted on 02.24.2006 1:11 PM4
Bryan,
That's just not something attractive people do.
Although we'd probably need to make exceptions for people like your wife (who is very good looking), I think you're right. Pretty people are too busy being admired for their beauty to do good works. ; )
posted on 02.24.2006 1:24 PM5
Excellent post Joe! Reminds me of why my DW married me :)
I would modify the last point to: "Ugly can only get better -- Beauty fades; ugly has nowhere to go but up". My DW tells me I look better now, more distingished she says, than when we met +25 years ago.
posted on 02.24.2006 7:35 PM6
Joe,
"...we'd probably need to make exceptions for people like your wife (who is very good looking)..."
I appreciate that. She is very good looking. Man, what was she thinking marrying me?
posted on 02.24.2006 8:18 PM7
There are times when I look in the mirror and the lighting is just right where I almost think I might be cute. Then I realize that it won't matter because I am 5'2" and women don't seam to want to gaze down at their white knights. Thank God my wife is looking at the giant within ;)
posted on 02.25.2006 1:09 PM8
"beauty's in the eye of the beholder"
"beauty is only skin deep"
or to paraphrase Forrest Gump, "Beauty is as beauty does."
There's another movie I like to quote from, can't remember the name but it starred Chevy Chase and Dabney Coleman wherein the abrasive and egotistical Coleman has just been magically roughed up by Chase and returns to his seat at the dinner table smeared with food, with the words, "I'm still a damn good-looking man."
Well, that's been my line since then. I'm a damn good looking man. I don't care if anyone else believes it. I don't even care if I believe it. As long as I say it, I feel it. Stand in front of the mirror and say it and you'll feel the power too.
My woman thinks I'm a damn good looking man (that's what she says anyway). But that doesn't matter. If your woman says that's not what she finds attractive about you, then you must have some inner light that she finds irresistable. Be content with that. We can't all be George Clooney or Brad Pitt. My woman's no Melody Griffith either, but I still love her. And, I can have her any night, whereas Melody wouldn't give me the time of day.
posted on 02.25.2006 9:13 PM9
Greek Pretty Person, Roman Ugly Person
Pretty Greek Person, Ugly Roman Person
Pretty Greek Lady, Ugly Roman Woman
Which portraits do you think are the best? Whom, among these people, would you rather be?
posted on 02.25.2006 10:10 PM10
Greek Pretty Person, Roman Ugly Person
Pretty Greek Person, Ugly Roman Person
Pretty Greek Lady, Ugly Roman Woman
Which portraits do you think are the best? Whom, among these people, would you rather be?
posted on 02.25.2006 10:15 PM11
good post, from the heart..
no politics, military aspirations, or christian orthdoxy
posted on 02.27.2006 2:20 PM12
I know I'm pretty late getting in on this discussion, but I certainly find it refreshing. There have been a couple of couples that I've known of where the woman is very good looking and the guy is.....homely. I've come to the conclusion that those ladies knew that they were getting a very good thing with those guys. So much of our judgements about "beauty" must surely be tainted by Hollywood's definition of beauty--what is beauty anyway? If God made us, then we can do nothing but be happy with the way he made us. Beauty can be a handicap...much as a rich person might find...what is it that people like about you? Is it those good looks that will someday fade? Or is it something that they, having to look beyond your homely looks, see in you--such as your character?
posted on 03.03.2006 1:48 PM13
Apologetics is great training. You get to be able to make a case for anything at all.
posted on 03.05.2006 12:32 AM