1

How romantic. But wouldn't it be smarter to avoid the alimony payments and hire a maid?

2

Maids just aren't the same. Maids will use the Windex and keep the bottle filled, but they won't keep you from drinking it.

No, really, folks--it is not good for a man to be alone. Read that "unsupervised."

hehe.

Cheers,
PGE

3

In this day of modern communications, the solution is rather easy. Simply call your cable company and block all channels but Food Network. When your wife asks you why we only get one channel, tell her you'll call the cable company tomorrow and find out. Every time she asks about it keep telling her you forgot, but will handle it tomorrow. I was able to keep it up for a month before my beloved finally called the cable company and handled it herself, but the free cooking lessons have been priceless.

4

You guys amaze me.

I have yet to meet a woman who could cook worth a d*** - with the possible exception of Susan Spicer, owner of Bayona in New Orleans, and that's assuming her male partner or best friend doesn't do all the real work. My data set? I was single until I was 40, lived in Boston and dated a number of highly intelligent and otherwise talented women. My wife is a former top executive and successful attorney. My mother and grandmothers and aunts were sweethearts. None of them could really cook. Julia Child is an internationally recognized cook, but who can go wrong when your main ingredient is butter?

Sorry. Women can cook stuff like mac and cheese. If that's what you live for, fine. This weekend, for example, we plan to have reuben sandwiches and fries one night, delicately spiced lamb keema with homemade naan the next. Guess who is making the reubens - it ain't me, folks. I like reubens. As sandwiches go, they're about the top of my list. But I shall be chivalrous and pretend that the reuben sandwich and the fries are haute cuisine at its best.

Don't get married for a meal unless you happen to really, really like Chef Boy-ar-dee Spaghetti-O's. Because that's women's cooking at its best. Get married because you adore the woman you're with in spite of the fact that you feel like investing in the Rolaids company on inside information. And learn to cook.

5

I'm 40, single, clumsy, and vastly forgetful ("reverse erudition", you might say). The fact I've lived this long only reinforces my belief in the supernatural.

6

The Food Network idea is actualy more effective than you think. When we got married, my husband could cook -- if it involved plopping a bag of frozen something in boiling water. I was pretty decent -- good skills but little creativity.
He's the one who started watching Food Network. Sure, he still likes his Stouffers now and then, but he's turned into a great cook who is far more creative than I am. More than that....he likes it. He's discovered that pots, pans, other cooking items are gadgets. Which makes them, by definition, cool.

7

i'm a single male in law school, and i can cook almost anything. in fact, i've even cooked entire meals going w/o a recipe just using whatever food i had in. not only that, i've even invited groups of people over for food that i've made and they always tell me that it's great.

if the guy just knew how to cook he wouldn't be in this predicament. despite what many other think, cooking is very easy for men to learn. the reason is simple: we love food. why else do you think all the top chefs are men rather than women?

8

I'm lookin' for a gal that cooks.
I don't care much the way she looks.
I'll be hers until I die
If she can bake a tater pie.

(From the song "Tater Pie" by Cindy Walker.)

9

If God hadn't intended for empty Papa John's pizza boxes to be used as furniture, he wouldn't have made them so sturdy.

Balanced diet:

Yellow vegetable: Cheetos.
Green vegetable: that one green chip in every bag of Lays.
Meat: Carl's Jr. big mess-o-burger.
Carbs: Twinkies

10

My wife is an excellent cook. Eat your hearts out!

'Tis a good thing, because Joe's father was more or less correct. :-(

11

There goes Joe, once again affirming the stereotype of whiny childish men that expect to be waited on hand and foot. Really, there is nothing worse than a man that can't cope.

12

A man ". . . should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly."

- Robert A. Heinlein

I've still got a way to go, myself . . .

Scott

13

"why else do you think all the top chefs are men rather than women?"

Misogyny?

The nice thing about the maid solution would be that women might then get some genuine security out of the hetero 'marriage' arrangement.

If you want the institution of marriage to last, then either pay your wives or get off your perpetually teenaged butts and do some friggin housework. This, by the way, is something you could actually learn from longterm gay and lesbian relationships, if you were physiologically able to listen.

14

Just for the record.... RK isn't me!

I am just married, but my wife CAN cook.

Heh. Just looked weird seeing that combo.

P.S. - I'm seeing a lot of anti-humor from the Reality-based community, here. Aren't we usually the ones you tell to get a sense of humor?

It's ironic.

15

Are you kidding me? I can always order out or go out to eat or even get prepackaged stuff. But if you aren't still excited about heading for the bedroom with your woman then the best food in the world won't help. You'll just eat more of it, get fat, clog your arteries and....well...I don't want to be negative.

16

true love manifests in many ways according to who we are, and no blanket statements can apply. My wife is an excellent and creative cook, and when she gets gifts like her new stand mixer or pressure cooker she happily plays with her new toys to my delight. Flavored homemade pastas (squid ink!) and fresh pistachio (sp) ice cream? Keep your Micky Ds - I'M LOVIN IT. :)
& yes radar - I could lose a coupla lbs...

17

This, by the way, is something you could actually learn from longterm gay and lesbian relationships

Yes, because as we all know gay/lesbian relationships share none of the pathologies that occasionally occur in heterosexual ones.

if you were physiologically able to listen.

Are you implying that the hearing-impaired are incapable of having stable, long-term relationships? So, in addition to not having a sense of humor, you hate the disabled too. Sad, sad, sad.

18

Not only is cooking fun, but the cook gets the glory and doesn't do the dirty work (assuming we all abide the rule that the non-cooking party does the dishes).

So learn to cook, ya lazy bum. You don't know what you're missing.

19

"Are you implying that the hearing-impaired are incapable of having stable, long-term relationships? So, in addition to not having a sense of humor, you hate the disabled too. Sad, sad, sad."

No, I'm talking more about the spiritually-impaired -- people like yourself who intentionally distort what others say so you can excuse yourself from listening to them. And, no, it's not hate that I have for you, but nausea.

20

Thanks, Scott, for bringing in the RAH quote. Heinlein, as usual, descibed the ideal attributes of a Naval officer.

I am the oldest of 5 boys, all of whom were taught by the example of their Naval Aviator father that real men cook as often as possible. His opinion on whther Marines, officers or no, could be so trained is best left unuttered.

21

Passion fades? You guys are doing something wrong. So, totally, wrong.

22

No, I'm talking more about the spiritually-impaired

Then you should probably use a word other than "physiologically". A person who is not "physiologically able to listen" has a physical deficiency in his auditory system, not his spiritual system. You see, in addition to poking fun at your lack of a sense of humor, I was also pointing out your lame attempt to sound smarter than you are by using a big word that you don't know the definition of. You remind of the old joke about how many feminists are required to change a light bulb.

people like yourself who intentionally distort what others say

I actually quoted you accurately. It's not my fault you don't know the meaning of the words you use. Might I suggest a dictionary.

it's not hate that I have for you, but nausea.

Might I suggest a new hobby. If reading a few internet posts you disagree with can have such an effect on your physiology (note proper usage of word), you are probably to delicate for this one.

23

You're a sweetheart, ucfengr.

Bodily signs mark how others can relate to you, and how you can relate to others. Some bodies bear signs, e.g., phalluses, that mark them as members of privileged classes -- classes, for instance, whose members share the bizarre, juvenile idea that they can expect another class of people to spend their lives cooking and cleaning up after them. Because bodies determine who belongs to this group, and because privilege causes people to be unable to listen to those whose concerns and questions they count a priori to be insignficant, some people are physiologically unable to listen. Instead, they will reflexively ridicule, ignore or distort what the other person is saying --- like you have.

Maybe some minor surgery could help you. I've got some kitchen shears here somewhere....

"I was also pointing out your lame attempt to sound smarter than you are by using a big word that you don't know the definition of. You remind of the old joke about how many feminists are required to change a light bulb."

Sorry I no mean ta be uppity massa.

24

Bodily signs mark how others can relate to you, and how you can relate to others. Some bodies bear signs, e.g., phalluses, that mark them as members of privileged classes -- classes, for instance, whose members share the bizarre, juvenile idea that they can expect another class of people to spend their lives cooking and cleaning up after them. Because bodies determine who belongs to this group, and because privilege causes people to be unable to listen to those whose concerns and questions they count a priori to be insignficant, some people are physiologically unable to listen. Instead, they will reflexively ridicule, ignore or distort what the other person is saying --- like you have.

You teach Womyn's Studies somewhere, right? Wouldn't have been easier to type "men are pigs"?

Sorry I no mean ta be uppity massa.

Sounds like a reflexive comment designed to deflect attention away your inability to use the English language correctly. Language can also mark how people relate to you. By implying that I am a racist/sexist/etc. you are able to a priori discount my concerns as unimportant or insignificant.

25

"Wouldn't have been easier to type "men are pigs"?"

I don't think men are pigs. I think systematically ignoring, degrading and distorting others' concerns to avoid critical self-reflection is unchristian.

"Language can also mark how people relate to you. By implying that I am a racist/sexist/etc. you are able to a priori discount my concerns as unimportant or insignificant."

Your concerns, if I read them right, had to do with my use of the word 'physiology'. Acknowledging them, I explained my use. Therefore, if you're not now willfully distorting my comments to avoid critical self-reflection, i.e., being unchristian, then please tell me what concerns of yours I've used rhetoric to evade.

26

Your concerns, if I read them right, had to do with my use of the word 'physiology'.

Less a concern, than a source of amusement. I find it amusing when folks use big words to sound smart, but then use the word incorrectly or out of context. Another common example would be the use of the word literal, when figurative would be correct. For example, "my wife literally bit my head off for the leaving the seat up." Obviously, if my wife had actually bit my head off, I wouldn't be here to type this or engage in this pleasant dialogue.

I don't think men are pigs.

This would seem to be contradicted by your bizarre rant about the relationship between phalluses and membership in a certain priviliged class. This class is characterized by bizarre and juvenile ideas and a "physiological" inability to listen. It also seems that it would be a men's only club (not knowing of any women with a phallus). While you may not think men are literally pigs, you certainly seem to hold them in low regard.

if you're not now willfully distorting my comments to avoid critical self-reflection

I am not sure which of your comments should inspire me to critical self-reflection. The one about the "phallically advantaged" people and their physiological inability to listen (Is their some connection between the male reproductive and auditory systems that they didn't teach in my Human Physiology class in college?) or the unsupported assertion that gay/lesbian couples are better at dividing up the housework than heterosexual ones?

27

Ed was right on the ball when he said Passion fades? You guys are doing something wrong. So, totally, wrong.

I've been happily married for almost fifteen years and fully expect our marriage to last until death do us part. There is more passion in our marriage now (along with four kids) than there was when we were first happily married.

My wife is a wonderful cook from the Deep South. When I take her out to a restaurant, it is because I love her, not because I need a good meal. On the contrary, my wife's cooking is usually much better than that of a restaurant.

It may shock some people as old fashioned, but my wife does all the cooking and the majority of the housework. On the other hand, she is happy being a full-time homemaker while I bring home the dollars. I am not advocating our way of life for everyone, but my wife and I both love it and our kids are doing great. (The latter is simple probability; research shows that all things being equal, kids raised in a traditional family will do much better than kids who are not.)

My advice for anyone thinking about getting married.

1) Discuss your goals and expected roles with each other. For example, my wife and I both worked after we married until our first child was born. Then, as we had both agreed before we married, my wife dropped out of the workforce to become a full-time homemaker.

2) If you want to know how your wife will probably treat you after you are married, observe how she treats her father. I broke up with girls that treated their dads with disrespect.

3) Observe how her parents act toward each other. If they are still in love (and still married to each other), your potential spouse has had good role models. If her parents are divorced or dysfunctional toward each other, be cautious. This handicap can be overcome, but the odds of a successful marriage went down a bit because she did not have a good role model. Likewise, consider your own situation. If you did not have good role models with your parents, you need to find an older couple that could serve as good role models and talk to them.

4) Related to point 1 - discuss your thoughts on handling money. If one of you wants to live on credit and the other wants to only pay cash, you may have problems. If one of you wants to save for a house and the other wants to go to Hawaii, you may have problems. My wife and I discuss the big issues and we also have two checking accounts. She gets so many dollars per week (direct deposited into her account from mine - love modern banking) and she is responsible for consumerables such as groceries and clothing. Anything else she can spend as she desires. Likewise, I am responsible for paying the other bills (mortgage, insurance, utilities, unexpected stuff), put X% toward our savings, and then I can spend the excess as I desire. For our first few years, we had one checking account; that did not work very well. Two accounts has made our good marriage even better.

5) Also related to 1 - discuss religion and kids. Hopefully you and your potential wife share the same religion. The Bible warns Christians not to be unequally yoked (that is, Christians should not marry non-Christians). If you are both Christians, but of different denominations, what type of Church will you attend. How many children do you want? How will they be disciplined?

Well, that is a very long post when all I wanted to do was agree with Ed ;-)

28

Oh good grief!! It's obvious that if cooking is a big deal to this guy then *he* should learn to cook! Duh! Did he just graduate from Bob Jones University :-)or some other place of higher learning which advocates that only women should cook??

29

Crikey, I'm 40, single, tidy, and an excellent cook. My last girlfriend was a decent cook, but hated red meat and loved disorder. We didn't last, but now I eat better than I ever did before. And in a cleaner house.

Now if I could find a gal in D.C. who also liked cars, firearms, and Republican politics, I think I'd be in love once again.

But never hungry.

(Or ever tempted to drink the Windex!)

30

My wife actually thinks she is entitled to the remote at times. Imagine that!

31

"This would seem to be contradicted by your bizarre rant about the relationship between phalluses and membership in a certain priviliged class. This class is characterized by bizarre and juvenile ideas and a "physiological" inability to listen. It also seems that it would be a men's only club (not knowing of any women with a phallus). While you may not think men are literally pigs, you certainly seem to hold them in low regard."

If you think the idea is bizarre, then maybe you should read a book or two. It's not new or rare.

The phallus, unlike the penis, is a sign. People like yourself who swallow the social significance of the penis think of themselves reflexively as stars of their own show. They're therefore unable to be receptive to people they think of as extras. They're also unable to love or sacrifice, i.e., be Christians.

But not all men are invested in this language game. So not all people who have penises bear phalluses. Not all men are unchristian.

"(Is their some connection between the male reproductive and auditory systems that they didn't teach in my Human Physiology class in college?)"

Research shows that men tend to cognize sounds received in their right ears; women can usually cognize sounds presented to either ear. This has more to do with brains than genitalia. But it's not what I'm talking about in any case.

"or the unsupported assertion that gay/lesbian couples are better at dividing up the housework than heterosexual ones?"

Unless they're invested in butch/femme gender roles, lesbians and gay couples can't assume a priori that one person ought to sit and make messes and the other ought to get old cleaning up after him. Not all lesbian and gay couples divide into butch femme roles. Personally, most lesbian relationships I know these days do not. So, yes, their negotiations aren't as immediately hierarchic as those of hetero's and hetero wannabe's. This is one reason, by the way, that women find other women attractive. Guys have been so fixated on their phalluses that they haven't been Christian enough to do the dishes, change diapers, share the weekly grocery shopping -- be two as one with their wives;if you were a woman, where would your longings be?