Dear Joe,
What's the best way to get out of traffic ticket?
Dear L.B.,
Several weeks ago I was out for a ride and inadvertently ran a stop sign. Though I didn't see the sign, a cop did see me. He quickly pulled up behind my chopper and signaled for me to pull over.
Now I've been a biker since I old enough to work a kick-stand so getting hassled by the fuzz is nothing new. I also, as you can probably imagine, have quite the outlaw streak in me. So I did what any self-respecting rider would do: opened it up full throttle and tried to make a run for it. I gave it all I had but the cop must have had some super-charged cruiser because he caught up to my moped like I was standing still.
From this experience I gained a couple of valuable lessons. First, pull over right away. If the police have to chase you 47 miles until your scooter runs out of gas you can bet they won't be in a good mood when they get their hands on you. Second, always wear a helmet. When the cops commence to giving you a Rodney King-style whooping it helps to have your head covered. Since that incident I make sure I always wear a helmet when I ride. In fact, I now wear one when I drive my car. You can never be too careful.
Some other ways to avoid a ticket are:
- Pull over as far off the road as possible so the officer isn't exposed in the road. If another car comes along and runs him over it's almost a sure bet that you won't be getting out of the ticket. Also, even if you are on a four-lane highway don't stop in the middle two lanes. I found it pretty amusing but cops don't have a sense of humor.
- When the patrolman asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" the correct answer is "No, officer, I don't." There's really no need to add that the reason you don't know is because your speedometer pegs out at 120 MPH.
- Try flirting. Tell the officer that you've always been attracted to men in uniform. He might be flattered enough by your remark to let you off with a warning. I found through experience, though, that this is only effective if you're not a guy.
- If all else fails, cry. This one, however, is only effective if you are a guy. Women have already worn out this tactic.
Most importantly, always carry your essential documents. I find its best to have my license, registration, proof of insurance, and enough cab fare to get you back if you find yourself stranded 47 miles from home.
1
And it's not true that if you make it home and into your house, you win. The cops still win. And I suppose your cell mate wins as well.
posted on 01.06.2006 2:58 AM2
Also, I can tell you from experience that if the officer asks you, "So, do you have any firearms in the car I should know about?" the correct answer is, "No." You should definitely suppress the not that you should know about.
Cheers,
PGE
3
Just had dinner with a cop friend, and he said:
1) Don't be cute --just admit you did it, and be apologetic. (Sorry officer, I didn't see the light/I spaced/etc...). Arguing makes it more likely you'll get a ticket.
2) Once you pull over (if it's dark out) turn on your inside lights and keep your hands on the wheel - coming up to a car, a cop never knows what to expect, including a gun. Taking these steps puts the cop at ease, and improves his mood.
3) If you're on the highway, stay out of the left lane - a lot of times the cop lines up the radar gun on that lane. And don't change lanes a lot - it makes you more visible.
4) And contrary to popular views, there aren't times of the month when you're more likely to get a ticket. He said he can fill his monthly quota any time he wants in about 4 hours of fishing.
posted on 01.06.2006 7:35 AM4
Joe:
I'm trying to picture a guy from World magazine with the gray ponytail, black jeans, black boots with square toes and straps with a round buckle, little black helmet, earring, black leather jacket with a maltese cross on the back, and a black t-shirt stretched over a belly that is hanging over a Harley-Davidson belt buckle. I'm assuming you look like that because approximately 3000 out of the last 3020 bikers I've seen in the last 35 years look like that. I love bikes, I wish I still owned one, and I wish my wife would let me have one, but can you explain the biker's uniform? Incidentally, what's the deal with PCA types and bikes? I know two CPAs and one attorney in my PCA church who own big road bikes.
Oh, yes. I heard a joke I'm sure you'd like:
Q: What's the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?
A: The location of the dirtbag
posted on 01.06.2006 7:58 AM5
I ride an 1985 Honda Sabre V65. If your Gold Wing married a 1000 cc. race bike, mine would be the offspring.
A while back I came around a corner on a two lane blacktop only to see two highway patrol cars parked facing me on the other side of the road. I resisted the temptation to hit the throtle and pulled over. I mentioned that the wind was gusty that day and often on a bike you crank it a little when a gust hits you. He was quite agreeable and told me of chasing another bike at speeds over 100 and how lucky the rider was that he had run out of gas as he was on a road with a bridge out ahead. I pointed out to him that they were both lucky saying "imagine the suit if you had chased some dumb kid to his death because he didn't want the ticket." He said he hadn't thought of it in those terms and gave me a minimum ticket for probably less than I had been doing. Still, as well as we were getting along, I wondered why I wasn't getting just a warning. Then his radio crackled with a message and he said "Spotter plane. He tried to clock you for a few miles, but was never able to." When your passing method is accelerate full throtle for three or four seconds and go from 50 to 120 or 130 in that time, then kick it into 6th and coast back down to the speed limit, you don't get warning tickets if the plane is watching.
6
Unknown Professor -- you mean it wouldn't be helpful to put your hand under your coat (to warm it up), then jump out of the car, run up to the cop, then quickly pull out your hand to shake the cop's hand as a sign of friendliness?
posted on 01.06.2006 2:19 PM7
You forgot to mention the $100 bill helpfully peeking out from under your drivers license when you show it to the cop.
posted on 01.06.2006 2:41 PM8
The best way I've learned to avoid traffic tickets is to become a volunteer with the local police department. As an auxiliary police officer in the city where I live, I've met every cop in town and have rode with quite a few of them. And I always remind them what my car looks like and what my personalized tag says! :)
posted on 01.07.2006 1:32 AM9
Crying definately doesn't help. Of course, I am a girl. But it didn't make the police officer writing my ticket a bit more sympathetic. And the tears were real!
posted on 01.07.2006 2:42 PM10
This brings up the thought experiment I often have, while sitting in NJ traffic, of "How would Jesus drive?"
Would he speed? In NJ, if you go the speed limit, you will be rear-ended by a tractor trailer on the interstate, and cursed by millions (think "man with hat" type driver). Is speeding a sin?
What would he do if first in line at the red light? In NJ, if you are sitting at the light, and it turns green, the opposing driver will try to beat you out and turn left in front of you. If you still hesitate, the next guy will do the same thing, and the guy behind you will be honking his horn. So if the light turns green, floor it, right? Well, no, because the traffic on the cross street is still moving, even after their light turns red. At least two more cars will try to beat the red light. So choose between death and disrespect.
Would he be talking to his Father while driving? Hmmm, that could be illegal in NY, NJ and CT.
It is hard to imagine driving in a Christ-like manner in NJ.
posted on 01.07.2006 3:40 PM11
One cold autumn night many years ago I was cruising a highway in a suburb north of Minneapolis. I got pulled over by a cop for speeding. Since it was late at night and I was riding a Harley, several more cops stopped by, all of them parked on the shoulder and flashing their lights. I was pulled over near a crossroad, and while cop #1 was talking to me a car stopped to make a left turn at the intersection. A few seconds later another car, its driver no doubt distracted by all the flashing lights, plowed into the back of the car waiting to make the left. It hit it going about 40 mph. The cops and I heard the tires screech for split second followed by the sound of impact and one 2 ton vehicle slamming another into the ditch and following it there.
The cop I was talking to turned to watch the collision, ran few steps towards the carnage, then stopped, turned around, and shouted "you can go now!"
No ticket for me!