1

I got cold feet real bad the last few weeks before I got married. All my friends said "it's just cold feet", of course. I should have listened to my feet instead of my friends. I was absolutely, abjectly miserable being married. Much happier now that I've divorced (No kids, no alimony; just a recyled single guy). But that's just me: I'm a musician and composer, and I love being a hermit and having peace and quiet to practice, write, and study. My ex-wife is also a musician and composer, not to mention a Christian music minister, and if I couldn't make it work with her, I've decided that I'm just not suited for married life at all. I love being alone and very seldom feel lonely. Just wish this whole "sex drive" thing would go away. That's the only bothersome aspect of being a single man I can think of. I can't even imagine what I'd do with children *Brrrr!*. Have a couple of extra kids for me, and best of luck. ;^) There are few things I admire more in this day and age than couples who can make a marriage work. I sure couldn't do it. I have less than zero desire to try it again either. Once really was more than enough.

2

This is very funny!

But, I must say, that after thirty years of marriage, my wife is usually happy when I take a nap. I think she feels that if I'm konked out, I can cause her and the world less trouble. She's probably right.

Come to think of it, that should be my incentive to skip more naps and thereby, derive sadistic pleasure from disappointing her (and the world). I could come up with some really nifty stuff to do, too.

But right now, I'm too tired to think of any nifty stuff. I'd better sleep on it.

3

For a woman, catching her husband napping is the second worst thing she can catch her man doing in their bed.

Heh...ain't that the truth? What is up with that?

4

I second (third?) the nap taboo thing...

With DS' input in agreement..apparently this issue crosses theological lines..

5

I dunno....I've been married 13 years to my beloved Miss M. 2 kids, a near bancruptcy with associated loss of home, a failed ministry...hey we doing OK...AND she lets me nap. She won't let me out the door alone with a MasterCard in a model train shop or with Ann Coulter though. :P

6

The secret is finding the right woman. If you aren't 100% sure, without a doubt, that she's the right woman, then forget it. If you are, then GREAT!

And when I refer to "the right woman", I mean a sweet, submissive (yes, submissive, but not in a doormat kind of way), old fashioned, kind, respectful girl who is genuinely cheerful most of the time (you can't imagine how quickly a pissy woman can ruin your day), and who doesn't think compromise means her getting her way every time.

I think the easiest way to tell if she's going to be the right girl is to look at how she treats her father: if she respects and loves him, and doesn't manipulate him like a puppetmaster by acting like a spoiled six-year old, you might have yourself a catch. (Here's a test: gauge her response when she doesn't get her way sometime...)Also, make sure her dad is someone worthy of respect and HEAD OF HIS HOUSEHOLD.

Does all of this sound sexist, arrogant and mean? Too bad--God didn't really take political correctness into account when he said all that stuff in the Bible. I've been studying this for many years, including in my own marriage, and these are my conclusions.

Good luck!

7

Forgot to add links:

Read this one for sure:
http://www.voxday.net/archive/2004/061404.html

http://www.themenscenter.com/busterb/index.htm

http://www.voxday.net/archive/2004/020904.html

http://www.voxday.net/archive/2004/020904.html

8

Joe,
Lifted this off of Pat in NC. Thought it fit the post.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

9

JM I think the 'right women' varies with the people in the relationship. If you're idea of the right woman is one who has the traits you admire then that's probably the kind of gal you should look for. I think you may be projecting what you find attractive onto the the population as a whole however.

My wife is the right women for me, so far at least, and she's anything but submissive. She was also raised by a man so vile, arrogant, and sexist, she left home at age 18, enlisted in the Air Force, and never talked to him again.

You want to encourage strong marriage? Do you feel that a strong marriage leads to happier children and encourages the succesion of family values which many conservatives hold as important?

Massechusetts, the home of Gay Marriage lovin tree hugging liberals lefties, has the lowest divorce rate in the nation. Same for most Northeastern states while the highest divorce rates in the country are found in mostly red states.
Does this mean conservatism leads to bad marriage on average? That would be a tempting conclusion if someone was out to grind a politica ax but I think it's more complex than that. I think the cause and effect is more a function of local economics and education than anything political.
There is a direct correlation between income, education, crime, and divorce rates. Those states which have the highest divorce rates tend to have the greatest poverty rates and the highest high school drop out rates.

If you want to help the next generation reduce their divorce rates and increase their chance for having a successful marriage, catchy sounding platitudes about about 'good God fearing submissive women who like their fathers' may not be nearly as effective as joining a high school drop-out intervention program, or if one does not exist, starting one in your local community at the most crime ridden drug infested high school in your district.

10

Massechusetts, the home of Gay Marriage lovin tree hugging liberals lefties, has the lowest divorce rate in the nation. Same for most Northeastern states while the highest divorce rates in the country are found in mostly red states.
Does this mean conservatism leads to bad marriage on average? That would be a tempting conclusion if someone was out to grind a politica ax but I think it's more complex than that. I think the cause and effect is more a function of local economics and education than anything political.

Interesting. Out of curiosity, do you have info on what the marriage rates the last 15 years have been like in these states? One more option is that more people in Red States actually get married, and then divorced. If it's a "per capita" claim, it seems like divorce rate stats don't take into account multiple marriages by individuals. Anyway, I'm curious about this and am wondering if you have more info...

11

If you want some grist for the reading list on this topic, check out "Wing to Wing, Oar to Oar" by Leon and Amy Kass.

12

Rates are given as per capita. The states with the highest numbers of divorces are the most populous states with Texas and Florida leading I believe. (You'd think Ca would have the highest number of divorces but it does not. Not sure why)

The states with the lowest populations have the lowest numbers of total divorce rates such as DC or North Dakota.
The info is from Divorce Magazine compiled from the last national census figures which have been released in 1994 and then supplemented with additional data in 1998.

http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS2.shtml

13

I had read somewhere (BARNA I believe) that couples who are committed in their relationship to God (ie. pray together and read the Bible on a regular basis) have a much lower divorce rate.
When Barna just includes "Christian" but not those parameters the figures are about the same as non-Christian.

14

DS, you have a good point about my views on preferences in a wife. Maybe I'm just too old-fashioned...

The divorce rate numbers quoted, if I'm reading them correctly, aren't a good measure: Divorce rates should be quoted as percentage of marriages, not percentages of population, as the latter can be decieving as some areas have a higher rate of folks who simply choose not to marry. Perhaps this is a cause for CA not having as many divorces?

15

Well in stats when you're talking about large groups it's useful to use per capita to compare apples with apples so to speak. In terms of religion helping or hurting a marriage, I doubt that simply ascribing the higher divorce rates in southern states which have higher rates of evangelicals to their religion makes much sense.

Correlations can be deceptive. If one finds for example that frequent sex is correlated to low divorce rates one cannot really be sure what is driving what. The same is probably true for the strength of marriages in which both partners have good communication with one another; the cause and effect is problematic to determine.

Having said this my guess would be that higher divorce rates in southern states would be more a function of marrying at younger ages and an increased rate of poverty than anything to do with religion or politics. In such an environment one might expect religion would be more prevalent as religion provides comfort for the problems associated with poverty.

16

Been married 42 years to the same women. She was a gift of God to me. Treat your wife like a gift and she will be one. Read the Bible to see how a man should treat his wife and then follow the plan accordingly. I almost died when my wife took ill. God spared us both. Remember, you are sharing and building a life. Make it a good one and it will be. Marriage is a 90% - 10% proposition with both partners giving 90% all the time. The Christians I know all think that they have Proverbs 31 wives. As for the divorce rates in "red" states, when did the Union blue become leftist red? Another outrage from the mainstream media. My Civil War Great Grandfather must be turning over in his grave.

17

Been married 42 years to the same women. She was a gift of God to me. Treat your wife like a gift and she will be one. Read the Bible to see how a man should treat his wife and then follow the plan accordingly. I almost died when my wife took ill. God spared us both. Remember, you are sharing and building a life. Make it a good one and it will be. Marriage is a 90% - 10% proposition with both partners giving 90% all the time. The Christians I know all think that they have Proverbs 31 wives. As for the divorce rates in "red" states, when did the Union blue become leftist red? Another outrage from the mainstream media. My Civil War Great Grandfather must be turning over in his grave.

18

Funny indeed. Makes me feel a wee bit better about being single. :)

19

A "rate" by definition has to be a percentage (a "per") of some other number or value. A raw number cannot be a rate. "60 miles" is not a rate of speed; "60 miles per hour" is.

Since some demographic measures involve very small raw numbers, many times they will be expressed as "per mil" (out of every 1000) instead of "per cent" (out of every 100). "2 per 1,000" is often a handier expression than ".2 percent," for some reason only a statistician would know.

So a divorce rate would be the number of divorces divided by the subset of the population that has married, not by the total population, which contains individuals (like minors) who would skew the results. Whether or not it would include common-law marriages/divorces is questionable (the data would not be easily found in the public record).

Does the above rant help explain why I'm typing to a blog instead of out on a date? I'd take a nap, but my couch is stacked with clean laundry that hasn't found its way into the dresser drawers, and there's no one to tell me to put it away.

(Hi, fellas: long time no see)

20

George, being married 42 years to the same women is an astounding feat: most of us find it difficult to remain married to just one at a time.

21

This is interesting, I have been married for 32 years have 4 children and 8 grand-children. I am 52 year old made it through Nam and took my mothers advice. "Look at your future brides mother and in twenty years that will be your wife". I say all of this because after getting married I don't know what I would do without my wife. Don't tell her but I knew what we could do with her MOTHER.

22

I'm married via eharmony. Yah baby! I agree with some of the above bloggers ALWAYS think of a wife as the mother of your children. 30 years from now NOBODY is going to look that hot.

23

Here's your hope for the nap guys.... Get pregnant... she'll want to nap all through her pregnancy (although the last month or so will be hard) and then she'll want to nap every time the baby does. Then, once the kids are older, she'll want to nap every Sunday after church (isn't that what Sunday afternoons were created for - seems I read that somewhere in Genesis) but YOU WON'T. And you will drive her crazy because all she'll want to do is NAP and you will want to do "other things" See, you think you will want to nap so much but that will change for you boys... I promise, then she will just beg you to take a nap and let her be.... :) Twenty-one years, one husband, 5 kids and wouldn't want it any other way! And yes, I look like my mom more every year and it DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!!

24

Remeber Galations 2:20. Dead men dont have rights. A good wife is a gift from the Lord. You will be a better man for having married, if she seeks the Lord with all her heart (you had also better be if she is going to get a good husband).

I've been on the adventure for 12+ years and would not change a thing. It's not always been easy, but it has always been beneficial. God will grow you in ways you never thought possible.

Congrats

jt

25

"Massechusetts, the home of Gay Marriage lovin tree hugging liberals lefties, has the lowest divorce rate in the nation."

Mass. also has the 4th lowest marriage rate. In order to divorce, tradition says, one must first allow themselves to marry... that is unless Massachusettes has some new legislation that I don't know about.

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvss/mar&div.pdf
http://voxday.blogspot.com/2004/11/lies-and-lying-krugmans-who-tell-them.html