Dear Joe,
The other day at work one of my coworkers had his fly unzipped. I was too embarrassed to actually say anything to him at the time but then I felt guilty for not letting him know about it. What exactly is the proper way to bring that sort of thing to someone’s attention?
Dear E.S.
The proper etiquette for dealing with someone with their fly open is to:
(1) Pretend that you don’t notice,
(2) Maintain eye contact, and
(3) Reach over, very non-chalantly, and zip it up for them.
(4) Continue the conversation as if nothing were out of the ordinary in order to avoid drawing attention to what you're doing.
If there is anything worse that being caught with your fly down, it’s having others draw attention to it. Follow these steps and you can avoid an awkward situation. Trust me, your coworker will appreciate your discretion.
Dear Joe,
Whatever happened to full service gas stations? Don't people realize women depend on these to be around? I hate pumping my own gas and I hate checking the oil and water. Sorry, but I am an old fashioned woman who believes that this is a job that belongs to the men. I couldn't tell you how much air pressure goes in each tire, or how much antifreeze to put in. But I can tell you that there is not one place in my town where you can pull into and someone else does all these things for you. What happened to the good old days of full service?
Dear S.H.,
You aren’t the only one who misses them. When I was a boy my big dream was to be the chief gas pumper at the local Texaco. While other boys dreamed of becoming policemen so they could wear shiny badges and carry guns, my dream uniform consisted of a blue polyester shirt, Dickies work pants, and a squeegee.
Fortunately, my parents sensed my destiny from birth and gave me the name “Joe”, which not only fits into that little oval patch sewn on work shirts but is Hebrew for “he who checks the wiper fluid”.
But like Betamax repairmen and 8-track stereo installers, I became of victim of technological progress. Full-service stations are like barber shops that had copies of Grit magazine lying around - you can’t really remember when you stopped seeing them until they just weren’t there anymore.
You could, of course, move to Oregon. In that state, it’s required by law that all gas pumps be manned by professionals. Self-service, in fact, isn’t allowed at all. Obviously, their state government is either run by old-fashioned women or guys named “Joe”.
1
What I find even more irritating than no full-service stations available, is when you are in a county/state that mandates full-service and it isn't Joe serving you but Josephine.
posted on 10.17.2004 7:18 AM2
When you're in Hilo, HI, try the full service Shell station on the bayfront. For ~ twenty cents per gallon more you get the whole enchilada -- they fill your tank, do the wipers, check the oil and tire pressure. I usually flip the kid that's doing it a coupla bucks tip.
Paying an few dollars more for a tankfull is no big deal when gas is $2.40 a gallon at a self-serve station.
3
Criminy. I'll make sure to keep it zipped up at all times. :)
posted on 10.17.2004 3:24 PM4
Yikes. How many people have you zipped up twice? Or once for that matter? Cancel that. I don't want to know. That would be way too much information.
posted on 10.17.2004 9:35 PM5
Dear Joe,
I was at an eating establishment this evening and the young lady at the hostess stand had an open fly. I took your advice and remedied the situation for her.
I will send you the hospital bill shortly.
All the best,
John
posted on 10.17.2004 10:05 PM6
Hey John,
I will send you the hospital bill shortly.
I think your experience is further evidence of the decline of civility in America. Some people just don't appreciate when you use proper etiquette.
posted on 10.18.2004 12:05 AM8
New Jersey is like Oregon - it's all full service there, or at least that's what the guy told me when I was there a few months ago. So, go to NJ to get your full service gas and do the attendant a favor and zip their fly up for them if it's down - they'll appreciate it!
posted on 10.18.2004 9:28 AM9
And what if she had neglected to button the top of her blouse?
posted on 10.18.2004 11:53 AM10
That reminds me of the time I broke my nose in church. Following Joe's general advice I noticed that the lady in the pew in fromt of me had her dress caught in her "buttcrack." (There must be a technical term for that but I don't know what it is.)
Being a gentleman and not wanting to cause a scene, I bent over and "removed" it. You wouldn't belive the look she shot me as she whirled around. She was not garteful at all.
Not wanting to offend, and wanting to mcoorect my social gaffe, I decided the best thing to do was "to put it back."
Then my nose was broken. Don't listen to Joe. Let those zippers stay unzippered.
posted on 10.18.2004 8:36 PM