Dear Joe,
My girlfriend and I have recently started talking about getting married. She is a passionate and fun girl but she can’t cook at all. That shouldn’t be a big deal but I am getting tired of always having to eat out. I love her but is love enough? What should I do?
Dear R.K.,
When I was just a boy my dad pulled me aside and gave me some advice on choosing a life-long mate. “Cooking lasts,” he said, taking another shot of Pepto-Bismol, “Kissing don’t.”
From the tone of his voice and the smell of Rolaids on his breath, I could tell that he came by this discovery the hard way. (My Mom wasn’t just a bad cook, she was completely confused about food. We never did convince her that Spam wasn’t a vegetable.)
Times have changed, though, and it’s rather chauvinistic to think that a woman’s place is in the kitchen. Equality of opportunity means that women are moving into areas that have historically been the domain of men: the corporate world, the clergy, the Laz-E-Boy.
But I empathize with you. It’s a tough choice to make between your heart and your tummy. After all, as my old man convinced me, passion fades, hunger pains don’t.
Dear Joe,
This letter is in response to the question you received from R.K. about his girlfriend who couldn’t cook. Considering the fact that he stated “I love her, but is love enough?” there is no way that I cannot write to you and present these two questions: a) Does he know how to cook? If so and he loves her so much maybe he could teach her how! b) Should she marry a man that loves her…but?
Dear J.M.B,
Women get married for a variety of reasons. Some marry for money, some for love, and others for security. Men, on the other hand, get married because we have no other choice.
There comes a point in every man’s life when he realizes that he is just too incompetent to continue taking care of himself. Some of us can manage on our own for several years but eventually if we don’t settle down we will die of self-induced ignorance. Sometimes I catch myself running through the house with sharp objects in my hand. Other times I look under the kitchen sink and wonder what all those colorful bottles of cleaner would taste like. When I was a kid I had my mom around to keep me from doing something stupid. Now, I’m on my own. It’s only a matter of time before I put an eye out or give in to the temptation to take a swig of Windex.
This isn’t a new situation. In fact it goes back as far as the first marriage. The Bible says that God looked upon Adam and decided he needed a “helper,” that it wasn’t good for “man to be alone.”
Some people read this passage and assume it means that Adam was lonely. That’s not the case at all. What it’s really saying is that Adam couldn’t take care of himself. Basically, the Lord was saying that men are incompetent.
You also wondered if R.K. can cook? My guess is that if he could cook he wouldn’t have to get married. I’m a fairly well-adjusted single guy but I’ll admit that if it wasn’t for the wonderful people down at McDonalds I would have starved to death long ago (God bless Ronald, that freaky red-headed clown!).
Now as for whether she should marry him? I say yes. I say the woman should take pity on the poor guy. Obviously, it isn’t good for him to be alone; he needs a helper. On this I think the Good Lord would agree with me.
(Note: These columns originally ran in The East Texas Tribune back in 2002, when I was still single. I have to confess that I didn’t take my own advice. I married my wife for her beauty, brains, and personality, rather than for her domestic skills. I don’t regret at all, but then again, I still hang out at Ronald’s place as much as I ever did.)
1
This was a neat post. :-)
I am a good cook, but I hate cooking. The only reason I do cook - instead of just nuking a TV dinner - is because my husband is very much a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy, and he loves home cooking. Otherwise, I'd be eating lots of pot pie and mac'n'cheese.
I cook out of love, and love only.
However, I do suck at cooking red meat. ANY kind of red meat. Chicken, fish, pork...no problem. It's just red meat. I've been known to cook a roast that would make stomachs turn and paint peel off kitchen walls. I've been told my steaks resemble shoe leather.
As a result, we eat lots of casseroles...
Bon appetit!
posted on 09.05.2004 1:34 PM2
I'm surprised that guy doesn't know how to cook himself. I rarely run into any men my husband's age (he's 46) or younger who can't cook at least a little. My two sons can handle themselves in the kitchen quite well. This isn't a feminist thing..I've always been a stay at home mom. I think the influx of working moms, for better or worse, has made cooking one of the things everyone needs to know as they go out into the adult world.
dream wanderer
posted on 09.05.2004 5:10 PM3
If this guy can't figure out if he loves her enough to marry her he needs some serious payer! As for who cooks... what is wrong with him cooking? Dose he still live with his mommy who cooks for him other wise? As a Mom of 2 boys, they started cooking when they were old enough to use a butter knife. At 13 both can cook a compleat meal, from scratch. Our jobs as parents are to prepare them for the world, after all, they aren't really ours they are God's.
posted on 09.05.2004 6:45 PM4
My wife is an excellent cook AND kisser. Unfortunately, she is not as inclined to display either of these skills as she once was. Perhaps I should be more appeciative of her. Or maybe I should bribe her. Or beg...
"I’m a fairly well-adjusted single guy but I’ll admit that if it wasn’t for the wonderful people down at McDonalds I would have starved to death long ago (God bless Ronald, that freaky red-headed clown!)."
You know, Joe, you could move to Massachusetts and make an honest clown of Ronald; some things are more important than sex, like Chicken McNuggets and hot apple pie.
posted on 09.05.2004 6:46 PM5
R.K.'s woman may be terrible at cooking, he in turn may be terrible at the conjugal duties of a husband. I'd suggest that he make sure his performance as a potential husband is impeccible before he considers criticizing the perceived deficiencies of his potential spouse....
posted on 09.05.2004 7:03 PM6
Go out to restaurants more -- and practice kissing a LOT more.
Lust should fade, but not the passionate desire to give of yourself, fully, and receive loving passion in return. Comfy passion -- NOT taken-for granted services from a spouse object.
posted on 09.06.2004 12:06 PM7
Well, my hubby has an interesting joke regarding my abilities and willingness to cook. He says there's one thing I know how to make best, and that is...
Reservations! :)
posted on 09.06.2004 3:33 PM8
My wife is not only a great cook (she baked her own wedding cake), but she's incredible at basic home repair and construction work (she built a new roof for our shed from scratch, rafters and all, she laid a new subfloor and tile floor in our bathroom, and she can handle a circular saw with the best of them), and she's creative and artistic, plus good-looking and lots of fun after the sun goes down. Am I the luckiest man in the world, or what?
posted on 09.06.2004 4:49 PM9
Lord, forgive me for writing this, but I can't resist. :-)
Is it possible that Big Willy got such a wonderful wife because his name is, um, *descriptive*?
Yes, my wife is wonderful, too!
posted on 09.06.2004 10:14 PM10
Mike,
You are asking him to sin against God. You probably knew that.
11
Who said I am asking him to do that, Puzzled? I am simply saying that he had better make sure that he is the perfect husband, before he expects perfection from his wife. She can learn to cook, there are duties that he as a man may never be able to learn if you know what I mean.
I was speaking hypothetically, but you probably knew that...
posted on 09.07.2004 2:57 PM12
Rob Ryan:
You know, Joe, you could move to Massachusetts and make an honest clown of RonaldBest. Comment. Ever. I tip my hat unto you! posted on 09.07.2004 9:52 PM