Dear Joe,
What’s the best way to get out of traffic ticket?
Dear L.B.,
Several weeks ago I was out for a ride and inadvertently ran a stop sign. Though I didn’t see the sign, a cop did see me. He quickly pulled up behind my chopper and signaled for me to pull over.
Now I've been a biker since I old enough to work a kick-stand so getting hassled by the fuzz is nothing new. I also, as you can probably imagine, have quite the outlaw streak in me. So I did what any self-respecting rider would do: opened it up full throttle and tried to make a run for it. I gave it all I had but the cop must have had some super-charged cruiser because he caught up to my moped like I was standing still.
From this experience I gained a couple of valuable lessons. First, pull over right away. If the police have to chase you 47 miles until your scooter runs out of gas you can bet they won’t be in a good mood when they get their hands on you. Second, always wear a helmet. When the cops commence to giving you a Rodney King-style whooping it helps to have your head covered. Since that incident I make sure I always wear a helmet when I ride. In fact, I now wear one when I drive my car. You can never be too careful.
Some other ways to avoid a ticket are:
Pull over as far off the road as possible so the officer isn’t exposed in the road. If another car comes along and runs him over it’s almost a sure bet that you won’t be getting out of the ticket. Also, even if you are on a four-lane highway don't stop in the middle two lanes. I found it pretty amusing but cops don't have a sense of humor.
When the patrolman asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” the correct answer is "No, officer, I don’t." There's really no need to add that the reason you don’t know is because your speedometer pegs out at 120 mph.
Try flirting. Tell the officer that you’ve always been attracted to men in uniform. He might be flattered enough by your remark to let you off with a warning. I found through experience, though, that this is only effective if you are not a guy.
If all else fails, cry. This one, however, is only effective if you are a guy. Women have already worn this tactic out.
Most importantly, always carry your essential documents. I find its best to have my license, registration, proof of insurance, and enough cab fare to get you back if you find your stranded 47 miles from home.
1
Friend of mine tried something like that. Having no pickup, he was forced (FORCED, I say!) to ride his racer to the dirt track. When pulled over, he juantily dismounted the bike, strolled back to the cruiser, and said: "Say buddy, you were going pretty fast back there trying to keep up with me, lemmie see your drivers license and registration. By the way, you got a permit for that gun you're carrying?"
His having to spend the night in jail suggests that this technique needs a bit more polish.
posted on 08.01.2004 7:29 PM2
I got out of only one ticket in my life: I was looking down at a map and just sailed right through a very red light--in fact, a station wagon coming the other way nearly plowed into me.
Anyway, I saw a police car turning behind me about 300 yards back, but accelerating quickly, and I immediately pulled over. He didn't even have to turn his lights on. I apologized, said I was lost, and would never have forgiven myself if I had hurt someone just because I didn't call ahead for directions. It worked--he let me off, and told me where I needed to go.
I don't know if this is just a joke, or really happened, but reportedly a guy who was speeding was pulled over, and the policeman said "I've been waiting all day for you."
And the man replied: "Well, I got here as fast as I could."
And the cop let him off, just for giving him a good laugh for the day. It was in Reader's Digest or somewhere, and you never know.